Teresa in TX wrote:Dd has been down lately. She admitted to me that she wants to go to the private school that is affiliated with our church. She started crying about it. I cried with her. She told me she knew that it probably wouldn't be possible, it's just sometimes she wants to be "normal". She also told me she wants to go there because they have a music program. I really don't think that's it. I don't think they have anything fabulous as far as that goes. I think she's played everything out in her head and knows that might be a good argument for going to school with her friends, since she's wanting to major in music.
I felt horrible, though, like I'm keeping her from something better, like she'll resent us someday. I talked to dh and he said that I didn't have to worry about whether to send her or not because he'll happily be the bad guy and that we don't just toss a conviction from the Lord like that strictly to make a child happy. It is kind of a relief. I know he's right. There are many reasons that people homeschool. Mine has always been because I felt God had led us to it, that it is what He wants for our family. This is our 11th year!! It is so hard to believe. I remember the times when it was a complete delight for her. My little boys are eating it up. They love snuggling up with me and reading books, making that Jewish calendar & pottery from the 1st grade manual, cooking things with their siblings, etc. It makes me so sad that it has to change.
I think I just need some encouragement with how to help her/how to view this if I'm off. I think this is a lesson for her in choosing to be satisfied. Dh and I have offered so many opportunities for them. At this point, she plays soccer, takes piano, is very involved in youth group at church, helps serve at the pregnancy center, and 4-h. In other words, she's not holed up here at home. Dh thinks I need to lay it out for her that her satisfaction is a choice. What is funny is that the friends who have made her want to go to this school seem to all be dissatisfied with it in one way or another. There are a lot of clique issues, meanness, arrogance over who has $$ and who doesn't. My dd is like a safety to a few of these girls because of what they have to deal with there. I told her that one of the reasons they like her so much is because she is different than what they have to deal with in the school!! I am now wishing she'd never befriended them.
I'd just like to hear, AGAIN, from those who have dealt with this and how you'd handle it if it were you.
You know my standard disclaimers on stuff: pray and ask God b/c he knows all of you.
You ask for opinions and some things came to mind that I wanted to share.
You and your dh have already decided that Homeschooling is what she will do. So, that’s the easy part. She’s doing WHL this year at home.
She’s not rejecting you or your decision in my opinion. It’s ok. No need to be angry as she isn’t rejecting you. She’s just being very honest and open with her parents. That’s a good thing. Nothing to be upset about. You want to keep those communication lines open. You've done something right with her and she just needs to work through it a bit to get there.
I think there are some key things that she thinks she wants:
“to be normal”. Well, what teenager doesn’t want that? Normal is a setting on our clothes dryers (I don't know who gets the credit on that quote), but not in our teen years. Plenty of the kids at the school want that feeling too.
I hear a longing in her heart. You said this happened this time last year and it’s happening again. I wonder out loud, is she feeling a sense of having a hard time letting go of summer schedule and summer fun and fellowship? She’s not ready for that to end. I get that way with lots of stuff. I can’t help but start singing Don Henley’s hit from sometime in the 80’s called Boys of Summer. It’s that same thing “no body’s on the road. No body’s on the beach. Feel it in the air. Summer’s out of reach. Empty lake, empty streets, the sun goes down alone…. “
and me being me, I’ll change the lyrics “my friends are in a car and I have to school at home…”
More music lessons? Well, maybe there are some part time enrollment options to fit a legit academic need.
Anyway, I should get to teaching this morning, but just know my oldest wants to feel normal. She definitely doesn't want to do group school. God provided a very, uh, unique friend for her. So, in their world they are normal. LOL LOL. Good kids. Nice family. Geeks and freaks.
((hugs)) and yes, I'll pray.