Readiness - Sorting disobedience from readiness issues

God's Creation From A to Z: A Complete Kindergarten Curriculum
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Readiness - Sorting disobedience from readiness issues

Unread post by sarajoy » Fri Oct 10, 2008 10:05 pm

She refuses to be taught by me....
salmy wrote:We are using MFW -K for our almost 5 year old DD. She is creative (such an imagination!), nurturing, and oh so stubborn! I am beginning to think that it may be possible that I just can not teach this child. She refuses to learn from me. The list goes on... but every time I am "teaching" she is putting the wall up. I realize that is a matter of the heart, and we have put much love and prayer in to changing her attitude and regard for me as her mother. But now the issues have moved in to "school" and I'm ready to pull my hair out, or send her to school. Is it possible to have a child that you just CAN NOT HS? We would not have sent her to K this year as she is young and not ready for the social experience of public school. But the reasons we kept her out of school are being lost in the negativity of this entire experience. Sounds like I need an attitude change too...
My heart and prayers are going out to you. My 7yo dd was that way quite a bit last year(MFW1). She just doesn't want to do anything too hard, and reading has always been difficult for her.

I truly believe that most, if not all, children can be hs'd. However, I know I have friends that their personalities and their kids personalities clash enough that the chose not to hs. If hsing is what you want to do, don't give it up. Slow down if you need to, spend "school time" doing somethings she likes, such as crafts or games or even playing dolls, she's young, so enjoy her and find out what makes her work. I'm discovering that the more I understand how my kids are different, and unique the better I can mother and teach them.

Blessings to you during this struggle. May God give you wisdom on how to approach the whole situation.



Re: She refuses to be taught by me....

Unread post by cbollin » Sat Oct 11, 2008 6:47 am

salmy wrote:We are using MFW -K for our almost 5 year old DD.
We would not have sent her to K this year as she is young .
Then she's not ready for homeschool academics either, in my limited opinion. ((hug))
Put the books down for a while. She's not ready for school time. That's ok. You can try again in a few months.

Play games with her for now and use the time as a learning experience to develop your relationship with each other. Your child is young and the formal academics can wait. When she is ready for it, you might still have to "do school" in a play/game manner.

Many 5 year olds (and your daughter is not yet 5 years old) still don't like to do school. but they will play a game with you. MFW K has a lot of activities that lend themselves to being done in a game style because that's how we have to do a lot of it with our youngest.

Totally agreeing with sarajoy
sarajoy wrote:If hsing is what you want to do, don't give it up. Slow down if you need to, spend "school time" doing somethings she likes, such as crafts or games or even playing dolls, she's young, so enjoy her and find out what makes her work. I'm discovering that the more I understand how my kids are different, and unique the better I can mother and teach them.
I'd be happy to share some of the silly adventures that we have with teaching a child who has to do kind of school but still needs a ton of playtime.
salmy wrote:Let me clarify. We would not have sent her to public school only because she is not mature socially. She has been ready for learning for a while. The issue is that she does not want to cooperate with me!
Our children are always ready for learning from very early ages. Young toddlers love to learn. 2 year old, 3 year old, and 4 year old love to learn --- What's that? Why? Why? Why??? or Read this to me, please?

But it is a big difference from "wanting to learn" to "being ready for school". It is not just the social aspect that she is not ready for. Most 4 year old are not ready for formal methods of academics. So even though she wants to learn, it will have to wait for more readiness to develop in all developmental domains. that's ok. Even my youngest child with autism loved to learn about everything when she was 4. She was even starting to recognize letters, shapes, sounds, words. She was not ready for even home based formal instruction. She had to learn other things first. The outdoors is a great classroom. Chore time together with mom is a great time of learning.

You mentioned also that she has a hard time following instructions. That is a skill that both of you can work on together in everyday life and games. Start with simple instructions to follow in everyday tasks. Help her to follow your instructions. make sure you are giving very clear instructions to your 4 year old. many children need to have longer instructions broken into small bites and some children need help to understand tiny differences in instructions. Make sure they understand the instructions and help them to do it when needed.

Learning to be able to follow oral instructions is part of learning how to obey. Some kids need more help to be able to understand instructions to be able to follow them. I say that because I have kids who struggle with understanding language without lots of help.

Consider using the preschool program this year that focuses on following simple instructions. You have the time on your side to work on the character stuff and learning from each other how to get along and all of that. If God has called you, HE is faithful to see it done.
Last edited by cbollin on Sat Oct 11, 2008 4:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Julie in MN
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Re: She refuses to be taught by me....

Unread post by Julie in MN » Sat Oct 11, 2008 9:15 am

cbollin wrote:Then she's not ready for homeschool academics either, in my not so humble opinion. ((hug))
I just want to say that I'm in agreement with Crystal.

Just because a child is *able* to do something does not mean that she *should* do it. This is true in many areas of life and academics is one of them.

My oldest son has always been very academic. He loved the letters on Sesame Street. He's become an engineer now. However, I waited until he was 6 years 2 months before I started *any* academics with him. This was for very un-academic reasons -- he was not ready for sitting in a chair or having someone take his scissors from him. And, it just wasn't necessary in the scheme of life to push him ahead academically. I wasn't paying for daycare, and I wanted to spend more time exploring with him. So it was unnecessary to push him into the public schools -- and how much moreso into homeschool. (I wasn't as wise as you in teaching my kids at home from the beginning!)

I just want you to know that my son has done well waiting. Learning was quick and efficient after that!
Julie, married 29 yrs, finding our way without Shane
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Unread post by my3boys » Sat Oct 11, 2008 10:03 am

I have had this issue with my ds who will soon be turning 7. I've tried to teach him school for the past 3 years. I finally put it away. This fall when we started up again he has been much more cooperative - he also is more motivated to read and write because he knows many of his peers already do - I can tell that he is just ready to try now. What may look to you as defiance may just be your child getting frustrated. You could try to teach her in a less formal way for a while - like with board games, leapfrog toys and videos,, etc.
Mom to 3 busy boys ages 11, 8, and 6
finished K, First, ECC, and CtG - currently using RtR

Cyndi (AZ)
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Unread post by Cyndi (AZ) » Sat Oct 11, 2008 10:26 am

Just going to chime in a tiny bit. I started with MFWK with my dd when she was 4.5yo, because she was already reading at a 1st - 2nd grade level. Goodness - if she could do that, she must need school! Well, it wasn't school that taught her to read - it was copying me over time. And it wasn't school that taught her to sit at a table and follow directions, it was copying me over time. School was rough at first, I had to back way off to avoid getting frustrated. Then dh got frustrated that I wasn't being "faithful" with it. I had to tell him that she just wasn't ready to cooperate and it wasn't good for either of us. This was a child who at 3yo would beg to work out of a workbook together - but on her schedule, not mine. After her 5th birthday, things started to slowly change. She got the grasp of sitting and listening and obeying (and the character traits with MFWK help with that a lot!), and her physical skills caught up enough that she started enjoying a routine with formal academics. Now, she loves school and is doing very well. What would I have gained by forcing the issue before that? Nothing but frustration, IMHO. She's at the spot she is because that's where she belongs.

I agree so much with Crystal and Julie, please think about backing off for a little while, or switching to something that is learning but still all fun and games. Our little ones are only little for such a little time! She'll be ready for more soon, but I would take time to enjoy this stage and not rush it.
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Unread post by dhudson » Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:16 am

Agreeing with the ladies that it might be a good idea to wait a bit on the academics.

IMHO, I would work on obedience in the meantime. Or work on certain of the Bible ideas that MFWK teaches like the horse (H). I have found in my home school that if my children aren't willing to be submissive to our authority that schooling goes badly. I have a very strong willed little girl who we continually work with to help her make good decisions. I use a combination of training, discipline and rewards to help her have self-control in and out of school.

You know your daughter best and she's still pretty young so academics can take a back seat to character training. Know that my heart goes out to you, sometimes it seems like it shouldn't be this difficult. Will be watching to see what you decide to do.
God Bless,
blessed Mom of three - 16, 13 & 13
happy user of MFW since 2002


Unread post by cbollin » Sat Oct 11, 2008 3:41 pm

She needs engagement - a lot of it. We felt that we needed something formal to cause this engagement. Preschool games frustrate her.
Setting aside formal Kindy level curriculum for a few months (or even a few weeks) does not mean you stop homeschooling her.

At some point in her life, she'll do worksheets. Here are some standard ideas for when that is a struggle.
*when it comes time to pick up the worksheets again, try to do them together.
*add variety by letting her pick a favorite colored pencil.
*tangible rewards immediately good work while training and teaching to work diligently (that will vary from family to family how to do that)
*I have a link to a free version of a homeschool workshop given by those Turansky and Miller people that I mentioned. you'll have to email me. I don't think I can link it here.
*Ask your husband to encourage his daughter to respect you during school time even if that requires doing some school together in evenings or weekends.
*set a timer on the worksheets.
*don't overlook things about worksheets that might be physically related such as sitting at a table that is too high, or not knowing how to hold a pencil, or needing glasses.
*focus more on the multisensory tactile writing things and less on the pencil paper for a little bit of time.
*invite the Sunday School teachers to give you helps/hints on how to be a teacher to kids who aren't easy. I'm sure they have some of them in their rooms too and would have practical tips to try.
*I know time is tight in your house with all of the little kids -- find 10-15 minutes to spend just with your daughter but don't do school unless it is snuggling on a couch together. Those 15 minutes of snuggle time help a lot to break down walls.

many ((hugs)) and prayers for you as you wade through it all.

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Unread post by my3boys » Sat Oct 11, 2008 4:54 pm

Here's another thought/ idea for you that i have used this year with my 6yo I mentioned earlier. We have stretched out K, so that we do each theme for 10 days instead of 6, adding in lots of story time. Along with this we stretch it and take 10 days to do each week of the 'reading lessons'. Essentially this means less writing that needs to be done every day - a days worth of reading lesson may be letter/sound bingo and half of the writing page. I also try to add an activity that helps develop his small motor muscles (that he likes to do with me) like playdough, coloring together, using scissors, etc. When I can say 'this is all you have to do and then we'll play a game or paint a picture together' that helps a lot.
Mom to 3 busy boys ages 11, 8, and 6
finished K, First, ECC, and CtG - currently using RtR

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Unread post by Cyndi (AZ) » Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:32 pm

I'm just adding a quick ditto to what Crystal said about us not meaning that you need to QUIT and wait another year. When I was in a similiar situation (very similiar), I backed off and slowed down for a few months. After my dd turned 5, she was so much more ready to follow directions at a table.

Two months after her 5th birthday, we were in a routine and we were both loving school. She was writing well on the lines and enjoying all the games in MFWK and memorizing all the songs and words to remember, etc. We hit our groove and it was wonderful. You have a groove in your future! :-) I, too, prayed and prayed and knew God led me to this curriculum. I also think going slowly at first was right in line with His will for me as a parent. I'm not saying that's what you must do to be in God's will, too -- not at all. Your needs may be very different, but from my experience, backing off until your child is a bit more physically and emotionally mature may be a very good thing. Having been there, I also understand how incredibly hair-pulling frustrating this can be, so I'm praying a prayer for peace and wisdom in your decision. {{HUGS}}
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Unread post by salmy » Sun Oct 12, 2008 6:28 am

I had an epiphany last night while talking to DH about this. We had 3 big things start all at once the first week of sept. when we started school: Dh started a new job with crazy hours, I took on a child to babysit and we started school. We never really gave HS a peaceful start. It has been stressful to find space for it, to be calm during that time, etc.

Until our life resumes some sort of normal schedule we are going to totally put the brakes on and just enjoy being together again. And after that I'll be looking for readiness on DD's part (and my part too, yk?)

Crystal thank you for all the time you've spent over the last day trying to change my focus. I can see that I have been measuring DD's success by wordly standards, which is not what I'm called to do. I have always pushed her to be ahead of the curve, and she is just not that type of child. I pray that God will help me to see her as the beautiful child that she is and repair our relationship.

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Unread post by ShanMom » Sun Oct 12, 2008 8:49 am

My personal experience has been that the transition to school life is most difficult with the oldest, because all the little ones are still just playing all the time. Now that my son is in 1st grade, it is much more pleasant for my oldest because she is not the only one. Nevertheless, the last few years we worked a lot on her obeying mommy with a cheerful attitude whether it was related to home life or school life. It's hard work!

...I just saw that your little one is still only I'm in agreement with the other moms that you might want to work on obedience in other areas of home life and keep "school" light and fun for right now so she develops a positive attitude toward it. It might be as simple as saying, "We're going to do school please put down your dolly..." then you are sitting down with her to read her a nice book. I hope this makes sense.
Pastor's wife and mom to three (Girl 8, Boy 6, and Girl 2 ... using Adventures and 1st Grade)


Unread post by cbollin » Sun Oct 12, 2008 11:23 am

There are times of course that they have to stop playing in order to do school stuff.

then there are other times....Sometimes we let dolly (or stuffed animals) sit on the couch with us during "school". My youngest likes to have her stuffed animals turn the pages of books. And it is so cute watching her hold them and have their little stuffed noses following from left to right.

and my youngest will line up the Alphabet flashcards in MFW K and takes Dorothy the Dinosaur on an alphabet adventure and sings the song.

makes it worth the work when I see how much pretend play she is finally developed. (YEs!!!!!! thank you Lord!!!)))

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Unread post by kellybell » Mon Oct 13, 2008 11:29 am

I've been really sporadic on the board lately, getting a few minutes here or there. I've been sick (it's been three weeks of a cough that was two days ago diagnosed as pneumonia and I'm TIRED) and the computer has been sick too.

I just now am reading this thread and must just confirm the wisdom in it. I really have very little to add. I agree that you might want to make school look different than MFWK for a while. School might be reading a book together, doing play-doh together, cooking together, hiking together, playing store together. Right now, the object of "school" is simply obeying mommy. Be sure to work in a lot of wiggle time and allowing her to make decisions for some but not all things ("this book or that?" or "read outside or read on the couch?")

My 7.5 yo dd is a lot like your little girl. Stubborn and sweet and everything in between. Our family dynamics are a bit different in that she's our baby, not the oldest. And, a lot of my problems came from expecting her to keep up with the three older kids who all were a bit more mature than her at whatever age she is. The older two are quite compliant and obedient and the third child, our only boy, is not that compliant but bright and sweet (doesn't do mean things on purpose).

Then came our little one. I saw the stubbornness in her since ... well, since she was oldest enough to say NO, perhaps even before as she'd say it with a look before she was able to say it with her mouth.

Oh, and she does better at Sunday School or co-op than at home. Sigh.

I have found that the main thing is for me to just be a student of this little stubborn child. Why does she disobey me (sometimes she'll go hide, sometimes she'll insist that she's about to have an accident and must go to the potty, sometimes she'll hide the math book, you get the idea)? I don't approve of her disobeying and dh and I have agreed on the consequences of disobeying BUT there's more than consequences. There's understanding. Is she disobeying because I have just pushed her too far? Should I have had her jump on the trampoline between math and language? Was I too picky on her handwriting? Could I have praised her more for the story she tried to write and waited a day before bringing up the atrocious spelling? Is she tired? Sick? Have I been showing her that I love her and like her? Sometimes with a stubborn, dramatic child it's hard to just heap love on her. She does so much better when I make sure I find just a few minutes to step into her world and just enjoy her and her messes and her loudness and such. If I spend less time trying to change her into something a little more like I would choose for her to be (ie. like her big sisters!), then I could appreciate the God-given quirkiness (not disobedience, but uniqueness) that she has. When I pray, I try not to focus on her ("God change her!") but on me ("Help me be consistent and help m love this child you made and put in our family.") He replies that the most important thing is not math or reading or spelling or the geography game but it is relationships. She's learning about how to be a mom from me...

Okay, I'm just rambling here. Just wanted to say that the other posts are right on target with their advice.

Sounds like your family has been under a lot of stress with changes. Take it easy and rely on God to get you through each day with her.
Kelly, wife to Jim since 1988, mom to Jamie (a girl, 1994), Mary (1996), Brian (1998) and Stephanie (2001).

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you are not alone

Unread post by rns_care » Mon Oct 13, 2008 5:17 pm

Hi! I just wanted to send some encouragement your way. I have 4 daughters, 11, 9, 7 & 5. My oldest is my challenge. She is very loving and we generally get along well until it comes time for school. At that point I feel like on some days that she fights me over everything. I have gotten 2 different bits of wisdom lately from some other moms who have been there and I wanted to pass them along. The first is, remember it is the sin in your daughters life and not your daughter. Meaning it is so easy to get personally mad at your daughter instead of realizing it is sin and satan is behind the temptations of that. Attack it from that direction with love and grace. The second was to keep your eyes on the end goal. My dear pastor's wife had 5 children, 3 still at home. The oldest was a daughter who shared the qualities of her mom, good and bad. She stated that they constantly were at odds. The parents were excited about here leaving for college b/c it had been a long, hard battle. The end of the 1st week after leaving, the daughter called her mom, apologized and said that her mother had been right all along! That gave me the strength to go on! There are plenty of things that my daughter and I can enjoy together. It is hard being the parent and the teacher. We as moms must remain consistent and loving. Firm and patient. I know that your doughier is not as old as mine and at this time in life I agree with the ladies when they suggest to back off and enjoy the playtime. Another lesson I wish I had learned when my oldest was smaller! But this is encouragement for you when those older years come. I realized that my oldest does possess all of my finer and not so fine qualities and that gives me a reality check in itself b/c then I have to look at my attitudes and behaviors! I apologize for the all over the range post but I forgot my username and that took a while and now I am trying to rush out the door for soccer. Blessings and prayers to all who are homeschooling. I love the encouragement from this board even though this is only the 2nd time I have posted in 4-5 years. You ladies are great!

Michelle Cecil

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Need some encouragement. My child is not enjoying school

Unread post by far above rubies » Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:14 am

jenmar30 wrote:I just need some encouragement.. This is our first year homeschooling.. My daughter is 5 and we are doing MFWK. She is not enjoying school at all and I am getting stressed out. She lasts about 5 minutes and then she is done. She especially hates when she has to try and write letters or numbers. She will try maybe once and then she just wants to quit or just scribbles... This morning we were playing the memory game with capital and lowercase letters and she wanted to quit after about 5 seconds. I am struggling with when to give in and put away what she is not enjoying and when to force her to sit and do what we needs to do. Please help! I am trying my best to encourage her and praise her but it doesn't seem to matter.
Wow, does this bring back memories.

First off, it's OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! Deep breath!!!!!

If I could go back and redo things, I would've done whatever to just enjoy my time with my children during those early years. Granted, my original major in college was Early Childhood Education, so I was determined that we were gonna do school and do so by the book. LOL I am ashamed to say that I really came down hard on my then 5 year old because she just wasn't cooperating with what I thought she needed to be doing, especially since we live in a testing state.

But now that we're entering 4th grade with that same child, I am shocked in the jump. These early years go by way too fast. I know we hear it all the time, but it's so true.

Anyway, since that first child, we really took it easy for our K year with my 2nd. And now my 3rd is about to enter K. The "teacher" in me wanted my children born before the school year cut off, because I didn't want them "left behind" their peers. But even though she made the "cut off" in time, but only a week, I now realize that it's better to wait and make sure they're absolutely ready, so I went ahead and took advantage of electing to hold her back a year.

So, yeah, she'll have just turned 6 when we start her K year, but it's cool. :)

OK, not writing any of that to say to hold your little one back, LOL, but rather just pointing out that, seriously, please don't stress, spread out the lessons if need be, just have fun with it. What's important now is a strong foundation, being consistent, and building a relationship with your little one.
K (2007-2008, 2011-2012), ADV (2010-2011), ECC (2011-2012)
2012-2013: CtG [dd (5th), ds (3rd), dd (1st), ds (3), and ds (1) ]

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Re: Need some encouragement. My child is not enjoying school

Unread post by BHelf » Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:27 am

Maybe you could just do fun things from the K program for awhile and not worry about letters, numbers, phonics for a few months. Maybe by waiting, she will have matured in fine motor skills and will begin to enjoy those other things? You could just focus on the Bible and science fun stuff and read books together, make crafts, enjoy music and art. 5 is still young. :)

Just a thought.

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Re: Need some encouragement. My child is not enjoying school

Unread post by jasntas » Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:19 pm

Has she ever done any kind of schooling before now? Have you ever done any pre-K books with her?

Agreeing with Brooke, just do some fun stuff such as Bible, crafts, read alouds, etc. for a while. Maybe add in mazes and easy dot to dot puzzles and color by number or color by shapes books for a while. Target just had some of these books in their dollar bins recently for a dollar each but you could pick these types of books up anywhere. Just make sure they are super simple. This will help her develop her fine motor skills before forming letters and numbers on a line.

Tammie - Wife to James for 27 years
Mom to Justin (15) and Carissa (12)
ADV & K 2009-2010 . . . RTR (again) & WHL 2016-2017
The days of a mother are long but the years are short.

Julie in MN
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Re: Need some encouragement. My child is not enjoying school

Unread post by Julie in MN » Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:38 pm

When I had kids in K (all public schooled, sadly), the transition was hard. Here are some things that come to mind as possible helps:

1. Make sure her sleep patterns are adjusted for the change

2. Use "peer pressure" a bit, in the sense that "everybody" is going to school during the day, and that's just what people do (in our culture!).

3. Make the adjustment to the "school day" before you make the adjustment to "school." Teachers do this -- get the daily routines in place first, and then the learning will go faster later. I personally always have set school hours. I model this by also setting aside the things I think are "important" and only focusing on school during school hours. This is a great lesson. And I also show her that we set school aside at a certain time when school is over, as a lesson in "reward for a job well done"!

4. So if you're just doing a "school day" and not "school work," that means fun school at first -- games (easy ones), nature walks, even decorating the front of the notebooks, checking the height of her writing surface, whatever you can think of.

5. If she's up and playing before school, as little ones often are, I tried starting with a "morning meeting" so I could say "time for our meeting!" rather than "get over here & do school" :)

6. Make sure she's ready. My oldest started K at 6y 2m, youngest at 5y 10m, and middle was 5y 8m. So my middle was my youngest K child, and she did okay but needed the most hand-holding of the 3 & could have used a little longer. I'm a better-late-than-early gal.

Julie, married 29 yrs, finding our way without Shane
Reid (21) college student; used MFW 3rd-12th grades (2004-2014)
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Travis (32) engineer; never hs

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Re: Need some encouragement. My child is not enjoying school

Unread post by jenmar30 » Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:55 pm

I guess I am struggling with how much of her issues are because she is frustrated and how much of it is just plain being stubborn. She has had a bad attitude in general lately so i'm not sure what is going on with her. I want her to enjoy school and to have fun. I have been looking so forward to homeschooling her and having fun with kindergarten and it just hasn't been that fun so far for either of us. Maybe I will lay off writing for now and try again later. Thanks for the ideas and encouragement.. Tomorrow is a new day!

Julie in MN
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Re: Need some encouragement. My child is not enjoying school

Unread post by Julie in MN » Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:56 pm

jasntas wrote:Thanks Julie. That's what I was trying to convey in my questions. If you didn't previously do this, set up a school routine. Then gradually add in the school work.
Hi Tammie,
You're right, we're on the same page with this.

So to the original poster,
Do our ideas help at all? Any questions on them?
Julie, married 29 yrs, finding our way without Shane
Reid (21) college student; used MFW 3rd-12th grades (2004-2014)
Alexandra (29) mother; hs from 10th grade (2002)
Travis (32) engineer; never hs

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Re: Need some encouragement. My child is not enjoying school

Unread post by jenmar30 » Mon Aug 08, 2011 2:44 pm

your ideas do help..I have some easy workbooks here so I think we will try that for a while.. we have set a routine so she knows we are going to do school. We did not really do preschool so this is all kind of new to her.. thanks again for your encouragement.

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Re: Need some encouragement. My child is not enjoying school

Unread post by rebeccal2002 » Mon Aug 08, 2011 3:51 pm

Hi, here are some words of encouragement: :)

When my 1st born was 5, I thought I would just teach her to read during her "k" year. (K isn't compulsory here...) So, I got out my 100 easy lessons book and sat her down next to me at the table. I would tell her what to do and then she would fall off the chair. Seriously. She wasn't ready. I tried to teach her to sit in a chair first, but even that was challenging. I was really getting frustrated. So, complaining to my husband one day, he suggested that we just wait a while. We tried again about 6 months later. And viola, she could sit in a chair, AND she could read.

I'm not saying that she might not have an attitude problem too. My girls could get REALLY stubborn from 4-6 years old. I just tried to not let them get me mad. It was hard, because I really wanted to be firm and not let them win. They are 9 and 11 now and much easier to deal with. And they can read, write and know their math facts, in spite of my parenting failures. :)

Try not to stress out too much. That's easy to say, much harder to do.

HS'ing since 2006, MFW since 01/2011 :)
2015/16: ECC (2nd time around w/ 3rd, 6th and 8.5 grader), WHL (10th). Also 2nd half of K and 1st for 6 year old.

Finished K, 1st, ECC, CTG, RTR, Exp-1850, 1850-MOD, AHL

and 4 year old helping!

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Joined: Sun Jun 07, 2009 4:33 pm

Re: Need some encouragement. My child is not enjoying school

Unread post by carissa » Mon Aug 08, 2011 6:08 pm

When my oldest was 5 and our twins were 3, I often needed to "buy some time" in the morning for me to get ready for our day. I was overwhelmed and sometimes sick, struggling with chronic pain, etc. so I'd let them watch some educational tv shows in the morning while I pulled myself together. Then I'd want to turn off the tv and do school. Well, let's just say the transition was difficult.

I needed to get into a routine so that I could do my planning and preparing the afternoon or evening before and be sure I was ready to engage with the kids from the get-go in the mornings. You probably aren't pulling her away from the tv to do school like I was (what was I thinking?!), but it might help to think about what happens before and after school time as you are considering her attitude toward it. Maybe nothing too stimulating beforehand, and maybe something fun afterward would improve her attitude. And of course, as these other wise moms have mentioned you could wait a while before venturing into K.
Carissa in Michigan
Wife to Steve for 21 years.
Mom to ds Brendan (10), ds Caden (8) and dd Sydney (8).
We've done MFW-K, ADV, public school for 2 years, and now considering ECC :)

Posts: 675
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 11:50 am

Re: Need some encouragement. My child is not enjoying school

Unread post by gratitude » Mon Aug 08, 2011 7:06 pm

Teaching piano for 8 years, most of it pre-kids, and home schooling has made me a better late than early person.

Why? I never did meet a 5 year old who was ready for piano lessons. Even those who read and tested 145 IQs weren't ready. They weren't ready for structure emotionally.

The main thing is to not turn her off to school. I am being very serious. I turned off my first born at age 5 and 2 weeks with our first 6 weeks of K with A Beka. He Hated school! Before that he had loved to learn. It took years to un-do that attitude. I have read that kids form an attitude about school in the first month. The first month of K though can be delightful. It was for my second son. He did MFWK. I only did school when he was 'up' for it at age 5. This meant about 3 days a week for a year. Some days writing was 5 minutes. Some days writing & phonics were 30 minutes. I wanted him to like school. I liked the advise of just doing the Bible & science for now. Read books. Then add in writing. I don't know what year you did K, but in my day it was phone number & address & play time for 3 hours each morning.

I really think children aren't ready for school until 8 or 9. Just a personal opinion. Classical education didn't educate until age 9. Our state doesn't require me to declare until age 8; the law never has been changed from 100 years ago when children did start school at age 8. I knew piano teachers who wouldn't take students prior to 3rd grade. They easily caught up and passed their peers who started earlier. I saw it over and over again in my piano studio. The eight or nine year old starting piano in 3rd grade and playing much harder music at the spring recital than another child of eight or nine years old who started at age 5 or 6!

Just a few thoughts from a different perspective than you will usually hear.

Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2011 9:28 pm
Location: Kentucky

Re: Need some encouragement. My child is not enjoying school

Unread post by lisabee » Mon Aug 08, 2011 9:02 pm

I agree with Carin! I too am a piano teacher and I will NOT take any students in Kindergarten! They just don't have the discipline yet of merely sitting in ONE PLACE for longer then maybe 10-15 minutes...even when their parents SWEAR they are ready...I've found it NOT be the case. I prefer students (like Carin also said) who are about 8-10 years old! They ALWAYS seem to do a million times better! I love my 8-10 year old students!

my son is 5 1/2 and a bucket of energy. School is a big change for him from what's he's done before because he's super active and always outside. So we sit in small doses. We start off with things that allow him to move. We even STRETCH before we sit down! Then as soon as I see him start to lose it...(the slumping in the desk, the floppy pencil) I immediately change what we are doing...It worked like a charm today!

If after trying a few things, she still doesn't seem to be ready to be "schooled" then just do the random workbooks and teach numbers and letters while out and about in LIFE. Then you just wait...maybe even just until Spring! I bet you'll see a HUGE difference!

Best of luck!
Lisa M.
Mom to two fabulous farm-fresh boys
Little Britches (5 1/2)
Baby Britches (1)
My Blog about Homeschooling and Life on the Farm: Farm Fresh Adventures

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