Encouragement - When homeschooling isolates the child

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kellybell
Posts: 475
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 2:40 pm

Encouragement - When homeschooling isolates the child

Unread post by kellybell » Tue Feb 07, 2006 10:19 am

social butterflies
jill wrote:
I am planning on homeschooling my children next year. My problem- my son loves school and is not sure he wants to homeschool (he is my social butterfly). We have many friends who homeschool, and many activities to get involved with in our city, but can any of you who've been through it give me some advice on what to tell him? thanks so much!
jill
My second oldest dd is our social one, thriving off time with friends. She was sad, so we reassured her that we'd make the effort to make new friends and get together with old friends. This requires a bit of effort since the kids at the Christian school are from all over town and not from our neighborhood.

As for the schooling itself, when we were making our decision, we talked to homeschoolers and got much advice (some contradictory!) but the one piece of advice I still cherish is from Teri at my church, who is planning on going through high school with her three boys. Her boys are bright, polite, and rooted in the Lord and that's what we want for our kids too. I told her we were going to homeschool and I asked her what I should do and she said, "relax." That advice has been the most important advice from a person (ie. not from the Bible itself) that I've received. I pass it on to you!

So, tell your son you WILL still see his friends. Ask you son for ideas about what would be good ways to keep in touch and he'll surprise you with some ideas (join Bob's scout troop and Tom's soccer team and look into karate with Scott, start a stamp-collecting club with John). And, since he's a bit down, start now looking for things you'll do next year. When you order Adventures, let him look at the books, share your excitement with him. If you choose a co-op or some classes, let him know about it. If you can, get to know some homeschoolers in your neighborhood or church NOW so you can get together with them over the summer, making new friendships. See what activities these other homeschoolers do over the summer and join in. Maybe they do VBS, day camps, tee ball, etc.

Ask your son also what he wants to learn about. Although Adventures is a full program, there's no need to do only that. Choose a week to put away Adventures and learn about trains, Indians, dinosaurs, space travel, etc. This doesn't have to be a formal program. Instead, work on the 3Rs and spend an hour or so a day reading books, watching videos, going on field trips, and making a little poster, lapbook, etc. about trains (whatever).

Oh, and pray.
Kelly, wife to Jim since 1988, mom to Jamie (a girl, 1994), Mary (1996), Brian (1998) and Stephanie (2001).

cbollin

Unread post by cbollin » Tue Feb 07, 2006 11:19 am

One family at my church had 2 in our church's elementary school. When her youngest started K, they were finally ready to home school. The older two wanted to keep seeing their friends from that school.

The mom 2 or 3 days per week became a playground and lunchroom volunteer and brought her children along to play with their friends and keep in touch.

This idea along with joining the "fellowship co-op" (organized play group) helped them in the first home schooling year.


crystal

tiffany
Posts: 160
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2005 9:56 am

Unread post by tiffany » Tue Feb 07, 2006 1:44 pm

If you don't mind, I would like to make a few suggestions for you that are a bit off your topic question.

If you haven't already it would be great for you and your husband to develop a vision for your homeschool. I would suggest attending a homeschool conference in your area to help towards that goal. Also, it would be helpful if you could subscribe to a magazine like Homeschool Enrichment or Homeschooling Today. The conferences and literature will help you develop a philosophy and direction.

The reason I say this is that you need to know why you are committed to this and what path you will take to reap the most benefits from this change you are making. I think it will help you to have a more rewarding experience if you have many reasons for homeschooling - with money being at the bottom of your list or just cross it off all together.

Pray that God will help you catch the call of homeschooling so that you will not be discouraged. The fact that you "love" your school now and you are struggling with leaving makes it important that you establish what God's plan is for your family for homeschool. I think your son will follow your lead as your enthusiasm builds for homeschool.

I don't mean to sound heavy, but I think this approach will really help you feel more joyful and motivated about the process.

As far as your social butterfly goes, there are so many opportunities out there. Actually for us, we have a hard time picking and choosing what activities to be involved in. I think you'll find that the social part will take care of itself.

It is nice you will have the summer to get used to your transition to home and prepare for fall. I pray that God will bless your efforts. Oh, and by the way, we love MFW. I think it is a great place to learn the ropes.
Tiffany
Wife to Tim ('88)
Mother to Sophie 16, Jonathan 14, Joey 12, Noah 10, Matthew 8, Eli 4
Have completed MFWK, MFW 1st grade, ECC, CTG, RTR, Exp.-1850,1850-Mod., HS Ancients, HS World
Fall of '11 ECC,HS Ancients, HS U.S. History to 1877

kfrench
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 1:03 pm

Unread post by kfrench » Tue Feb 07, 2006 4:00 pm

Don't feel guilty if the oldest complains of being bored or hating school. Kids complain about regular school too. It doesn't mean they want to really change schools just that they would rather be doing something else like playing. I have found my kids use the bored excuse or it's too hard when they don't feel like doing school.

If you are consistant they will learn that they will have to get it done because it needs to be done. Expect your kids to not want to do school some days. Expect to get behind but don't worry about it. Remember that give your kids lots of encouragement, even when they aren't doing that great. Good luck and enjoy your kids.

Kris
kfrench

Tina
Posts: 119
Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2005 6:00 pm

Unread post by Tina » Tue Feb 07, 2006 4:31 pm

Jill: I admire your courage to change your current situation to better your relationship with your children. God has given this idea to you and I agree with Tiffany. It would be a true benefit to your homeschool to develop a vision for it. Let me tell you my story. We have three children dd 9, ds 7 and ds 2. When ds 2 was born, he was very sick. He was in the hospital for a month before he was able to come home. That threw off my homeschool that year. We had homeschooled every year up until that point, dd K-2, ds K. The idea (or vision) of homeschooling was thru my husband. He is 100% sure the Lord desires this for our family. Well, after baby came home, my mother became ill and required a lot of my time to get her thru some medical and emotional trials (like 2 months worth) and then she came to live at our home. In a matter of six months, we had two new people living in our home, a new baby and a Nana. Well, I was convinced that for 3rd grade we should send our dd to a small christian school. The Lord provided the money, and that's what we did with every intention of bringing her home again the following year. I really needed to dedicate myself to my ds 7, because he was having some challenges of his own.

Well, we did bring our dd home, and she is a lot like your ds. She is our "social butterfly". She loved school, however, she loved homeschooling too. I think there are things she misses, like eating lunch with her friends and playing at recess with the other kids. However, there are things she loves about being home. She can wear her pj's to "school", she can sleep in, she can play outside in her huge yard with her brothers and so much more! Wait until you see how much opportunity the Lord opens up for your relationship with them when you homeschool. God has taught me so much more than I thought possible thru being obedient to homeschool. We do treasure this time, because God is preparing His children to be raised up and ready to fulfill the mission He has for them when they are grown.
Tina, homeschooling mother of Laura (1996), Jacob (1998) and Tucker (2003) In MO
"One of the greatest blessings of heaven is the appreciation of heaven on earth. He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."--JIM ELLIOT

kellybell
Posts: 475
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 2:40 pm

Unread post by kellybell » Tue Feb 07, 2006 4:46 pm

Tina,

Well-written. I enjoyed reading your story. Oh, remind me not to covet my neighbor's (that's you, cyber-neighbor) huge yard.
Kelly, wife to Jim since 1988, mom to Jamie (a girl, 1994), Mary (1996), Brian (1998) and Stephanie (2001).

jill

Unread post by jill » Wed Feb 08, 2006 7:44 am

Thank you so much for all your words of wisdom and encouragement. I was just laying in bed this morning worrying if i'm making the right decision and I really feel like I am, we have been praying for awhile now that if this is the right decision, to open the doors and the Lord has been; i just need to continue trusting him! thank you!

Julie in MN
Posts: 2925
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:44 pm
Location: Minnesota

Social boys

Unread post by Julie in MN » Wed Feb 08, 2006 9:54 am

Hi Jill,
Wow, you've sparked some great conversation here. I also want to add thoughts about social boys.

I brought my social butterfly home to school a year and a half ago. He was the sort that when he got on the schoolbus, everyone said "Hi, Reid! Sit by me!" My dh especially was worried about his particular social needs & so he takes him to Boy Scouts & soccer team, and I take him to co-op and skiing and whatever else comes along, it seems.

However, I have a few suggestions about actually schooling him.

1. First, as you will probably hear from others, there is a transition period. A sort of grieving of the lost & getting used to the new. Allow for that. For instance, we literally only played math games for math the first four months! We steadily increased their difficulty until ds actually realized he needed more math :o)

2. Second, even after the transition, I encourage you to plan to work directly with your elementary children for the entire school day. I think a lot of moms plan to hand them a workbook & go do the dishes. A social child does not miss "friends" as much as he misses talking. Social folks just get their energy by being able to socialize. It doesn't need to be same-aged children. Talking with mom is fine, siblings are fine, but it's being alone with a book or a piece of paper that pops their balloon. I personaly plan to *only* teach from 9 to 3:00. Of course, I do know that there will be a long lunch period when I can do dishes; an hour of "free time" (often from 9 to 10) when I can check my e-mail; and there may be "chore time" when we all do chores. However, those things are always secondary to being fully available to my dc (especially elementary age) ALL of the school day, and that has helped my social child.

3. When you join homeschooled groups, see if you can "visit" them before signing up. I have found that some are very classroom-oriented, which is great for families whose children have never experienced a classroom. Also some are simply individual families doing things, rather than functioning as a group. However, when you are bringing your child home from classrooms, you may want a group atmosphere, where you see children get to know one another.

4. And lastly, there are many character issues that your social child will benefit from at home. For instance, I have found that the "popular" child can actually become a "lazy friend." When we first met homeschooled children, I found ds expected everyone to come to him and he had not learned to be kind and reach out. I'm sure we all remember "popular kids" like that.

I also found through discussion with him that first year that he was slapping any information onto worksheets at school in order to "be done" and get free time to socialize in class. Not great for "education."

And in order to please the group, social children are more prone to go with whatever impresses others at the moment. For instance, video games seem to be a big problem with boys as they head into upper elementary. My son also spends way too much time on videos (since all the guys in our family actually play together online from all over the country). However, since ds has expanded his horizons so-to-speak by homeschooling, and deepened his thoughts about important things, he would never even jokingly put anything above God, as I have heard other little boys do to impress the group :o)

Well hope some of those random thoughts are helpful as you begin your new venture!
Julie
Last edited by Julie in MN on Thu Feb 09, 2006 2:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Julie, married 29 yrs, finding our way without Shane
(http://www.CaringBridge.org/visit/ShaneHansell)
Reid (21) college student; used MFW 3rd-12th grades (2004-2014)
Alexandra (29) mother; hs from 10th grade (2002)
Travis (32) engineer; never hs

kellybell
Posts: 475
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 2:40 pm

Unread post by kellybell » Wed Feb 08, 2006 12:38 pm

Julie,

Your post is a great reminder to us not-so-new homeschoolers as well as the new ones. I always look forward to reading your posts.

Kelly
Kelly, wife to Jim since 1988, mom to Jamie (a girl, 1994), Mary (1996), Brian (1998) and Stephanie (2001).

Heather (WI)
Posts: 49
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 8:02 pm

Unread post by Heather (WI) » Sun Feb 12, 2006 8:12 pm

WOW, great posts by all of you!! I enjoy reading your thoughts, advice, and experiences.
Love in Christ,
Heather (WI)
MFW user since 2004:
ADV, ECC, CTG, RTR,
and starting Ex-1850 in Aug. 2008!!

cbollin

Prayers needed - Only child

Unread post by cbollin » Fri Nov 12, 2010 10:42 am

OklahomaJamie wrote:As some of you may remember, this is our first year homeschooling. I have a 10 yr old son in the 5th grade. We are doing ECC and loving it.

Being an only child at home, and living in the country, my son is often bored and lonely. We don't have any groups near us. We do go to church, but it's small and there aren't alot of kids his age.

I took him to a public school function last night, a bonfire for the football team, which was for the entire town, so it wasn't just for school people. On the way home, he said he wants to go back to public school next year so he can play with his friends. After having drove his friend home, and hearing how his 5th grade friend talked (slang and stuff I really don't like to hear a 10 yr old say), then hearing his phone conversation with his 'girlfriend,' I really do not want my son having to grow up that fast.

So, I'm gonna do my best to get my son into a hs support group that is about 40 miles from us so that he can start creating friendships and maybe he'll decide he doesn't want to lose his new friends.

My husband is letting me "try" this out, and I'm sure that if Brandon wants to go back to PS next year, my husband will agree he needs "kids to play with".

Can ya'll join me in praying for this situation? Pray that my son will find several close friends in this homeschool group and that he will not want to leave those friendships just to go back to PS and rekindle his old friendships.

Thank you so much!
Jamie
definitely praying.

if the driving distances isn't the complete answer....

Maybe you can just invite his old friends over once a week or once every 2 weeks and do whatever guys do to hang out. Let your house become the cool house to be at. Or everyone go to restaurant together after church, or picnic at park if too much money for eating out. Let the guys skate or play hoops or toss the pigskin around and all of that.

Even if he were in group school (public or private), they don't have much hang out time, really. Have the friends over to your house. No need to lose old friends all the time while making new ones, right?

sure hoping Julie in MN has time to chime in. She's definitely a go to on this one.

-crystal

jasntas
Posts: 469
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 6:10 pm

Re: Prayers needed

Unread post by jasntas » Fri Nov 12, 2010 11:47 am

I will pray ... I feel for you.

Except for your living in the country, your situation is very similar to ours. Small church, no one in our neighborhood. (He does have a little sister to play with and I will admit that does help some.) OK, maybe not so similar. ;)

It took my ds the first year to get over his missing his friends. He is a bit younger and only went to ps for 1st and 2nd. He wanted to come home and his only complaint last year was that he was missing his friends from school. We did have friends over when we could but it was a bit difficult at times for me to make the time since it‘s not a ‘structured‘ time. :~

Recently a good friend of his from school moved into our neighborhood. They have a day they get together once a week. An hour at the other boy's house and an hour at ours. I totally understand the influence thing and don't fully like the influence of this friend but that's why I limit the time they spend together. He's not a bad kid or anything. Just different things he is allowed to watch, do, etc. that we don't allow. This is such a difficult thing. The biggist problem this creates for me is that my dd now wants someone to play with. :~

My experience with my ds and the hs group we are currently in ... Our group is 30 min. away. We go to P.E. once a week and occasional field trips. I like the group and so do my dc but they don't seem to be hooking up with anyone in particular. They do like the structured activities but, at least in my experience, my dc haven't been making friends as I had hoped. Although I think that it helps keep them busy. Your ds is a little older and may have a different experience with a different group.

The other thing we do is to have my ds involved in a sport outside of hs related activities. He takes Tae Kwon Do. He has made more friends and of different ages there. If possible, maybe your ds could be involved in a sport or band or something. It could be through the city or private, etc. Just an idea.

What I found most helpful for my ds's loneliness was for us to keep him busy. BTW, I am the homebody type so it is a real stretch for me to have to be so active. :~

I don't know if that helps or not but just wanted you to know you're not alone.
Tammie - Wife to James for 27 years
Mom to Justin (15) and Carissa (12)
ADV & K 2009-2010 . . . RTR (again) & WHL 2016-2017
http://tammiestime.blogspot.com/
The days of a mother are long but the years are short.

Julie in MN
Posts: 2925
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:44 pm
Location: Minnesota

Re: Prayers needed

Unread post by Julie in MN » Mon Nov 15, 2010 5:46 pm

Hi Jamie,
I had wanted to answer you over the weekend when I had more time, but then our internet was down all weekend due to the snowstorm in MN. But I've had your post on my heart. Homeschooling a lonely boy who wants to go to group school is very much a part of our lives.

There are some good threads in the archives, such as this one on social butterflies:
http://board.mfwbooks.com/viewtopic.php?t=1257

I have a lot of thoughts on this, and have said a lot in the past so I may be repeating myself, but I'll just write randomly and maybe something will be helpful?

1. I actually think my son has *more* time to play with friends because he's homeschooled. No, he doesn't get to talk to kids when he's doing his lessons (except texting these days :( ), but I'm not sure that's the time to chat and play with friends?! And after school, I firmly believe my son has *more* time to play because he rarely has homework. In other words, I think my very social son has just as much total time to be with other kids as any other kid. It just "looks different."

2. I do make sure we follow a local public school schedule. My son chooses one local school each year. He gets the same days off as they do, and he is done with school at the same time they are -- whether we are done or not (barring outright disobedience).

3. However, if your dh is worried that your son needs school in order to *find* or *meet* other kids, then I will just share that public school doesn't guarantee that will happen. I've had a dd who was lonely in public school, and I think many kids are. My boys were very social but their closest friends were not in their grades, so they did not meet or spend time together in school. It could be that your ds would meet a great friend by attending public school, but it seems just as likely that he would not meet anyone compatible or "available," and might end up more miserable about it?

4. What I did for my dd was to lead a Girl Scout troop. It was extra work for me, 10 years of extra work actually, but those girls are still my dd's friends at age 23. The kids in that particular group were not by any means "hand picked" but I did have the advantage of being able to guide them over the years, and to hear more about what was going on in their lives than probably any of the other moms ever knew :)

Another mom I knew with a lonely homeschooled son started a "Friday game night" in junior high that was partially successful, and then a "Friday get-together" in senior hi that was very popular and important to those kids.

Another homeschool mom started a book club for boys when her youngest 3 homeschoolers were all boys. Each week they discuss chapters and then have phy ed. This group has grown as more boys are identified, and has lasted several years so far.

And one year (7th grade), I invited another homeschooler over to our house to do science experiments. It was a gal and not a boy, but it didn't seem to matter much. I had the science kit and they both had textbooks to read at home. Then at my house, they did the experiments together (without my help), and I gave any quizzes. They also did the cooking projects in 1850MOD together. Messy but some fun things to try. One week, they'd read and choose the recipe. I'd check off the ingredients I already had, and the other mom would provide the rest even if she needed to purchase them. The next week, they'd cook & we'd share the resulting dishes!

None of us moms is a social butterfly at all. But these things were an investment for our kids.

5. As far as finding friends in homeschool groups, I think it's important to look carefully at your goals and make sure you choose homeschool activities that are specific to those goals. For instance, if you want your son to have friends, you'll need a group that is not teaching kids how to keep quiet and sit in their seats for class; you won't want to choose field trips where children are to stay with their own parent. The wrong group can just make your son feel even more alone. On the other hand, if you want your son to have the experience of a big "class" and "teacher rules" and stories to tell like his public schooled friends, then you might want a bigger, more academic co-op.

Neither of my homeschooled kids found a lot of friends in homeschool groups. Yes, they had fun with other homeschoolers (and my son still does), and had opportunities to talk about from theater to math competition. But often homeschooled kids are not as "accessible" as unsupervised neighborhood kids who are always available to play, or homeschoolers have large families and just don't need extra playmates. If you meet a homeschooled family and they agree to set up a play date right away for today or tomorrow, then you may have an easy avenue to friendship. However, if the play date is set up for a specific future date, during certain hours, then there may not be a lot of opportunity to get together, so the friendship may not progress much beyond the awkward stage. That's my experience, anyways.

6. Not sure what your neighborhood is like but even if you don't approve of the local kids, I find that at my house, under my supervision, local kids can be okay and can even rise to the occasion with a little bit of guidance. Over the years, I often encouraged kids to play over here by having something interesting out in the driveway (orange cones for biking around, net for basketball, sidewalk chalk) and having some kool-aide inside. Well, we each have different callings -- I think this has been one of mine :o)

7. In the end, social kids want "somebody" -- but it doesn't need to be an exact-age-mate. He will be happiest if he has "somebody" -- even if it's you. My son is very social and likes an audience and likes to talk about what he's learning. Homeschooling at our house has looked different than some families with lots of kids, both because I'm more involved and because we add in plenty of "sounds" -- like music and videos -- whereas other families may be trying to maintain some quiet! My ds does want to be on his own sometimes, but he'll pop out when it starts to feel like "solitary confinement." I make sure I'm available to sit and work alongside him, even if I'm just getting schoolwork ready for the next day or writing bills.

I also jump on any opportunity to put "somebody" with my son who might get him to chatting -- dad, aunty willing to take him on a field trip, adult sibling willing to play a game or admire an essay, etc. I took a few photos so he could remember. I kept up on all the letter writing in MFW, too, and printed out the letters sent and any received, for my son to look back on. I want my son to look back at the good stuff and not at what's "missing." I also have always asked folks to look over his notebooks -- otherwise he will remark, "What difference does it make, since no one will ever see what I wrote." (Yes, I do instruct him on the value of good work even without reward, but rarely does that encourage my very social ds for an entire school year...)



My ds still wishes he could go to public school, but he's okay with our decision. And he's certainly not lacking for time with friends once 2:30 arrives!

I will pray, too.
Julie
Julie, married 29 yrs, finding our way without Shane
(http://www.CaringBridge.org/visit/ShaneHansell)
Reid (21) college student; used MFW 3rd-12th grades (2004-2014)
Alexandra (29) mother; hs from 10th grade (2002)
Travis (32) engineer; never hs

OklahomaJamie
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2010 9:08 am
Location: Rural Oklahoma
Contact:

Re: Prayers needed

Unread post by OklahomaJamie » Mon Nov 15, 2010 8:10 pm

Thank you so much for the tips. I'm about to go look at the link to the other posts too. Only thing is, we live out in the country and have no neighbors or kids around :( That's what makes it hard for us. We do try to have friends over at least once a week, and he gets to go to his friends houses sometimes too.

Jamie

Wife to Adam since '85
Our 3rd Year of Homeschooling!!
DS (12 years old)
DD (grown up & married with a family of her own)
Exploration to 1850 (what I'm looking into)
We did ECC first year homeschool

Julie in MN
Posts: 2925
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:44 pm
Location: Minnesota

Re: Prayers needed

Unread post by Julie in MN » Mon Nov 15, 2010 8:47 pm

OklahomaJamie wrote:Only thing is, we live out in the country and have no neighbors or kids around :( That's what makes it hard for us.
Jamie
Jamie,
That was what I suspected. But I'll pray that kids will come out of the woodwork. My son's book club, for instance, is a few miles away, and his math team is probably 20 miles. But these things surfaced after much specific prayer & effort to go to even things that didn't seem right, yet got me in touch with other moms and led to just the right thing for my child. God is good.
Julie
Julie, married 29 yrs, finding our way without Shane
(http://www.CaringBridge.org/visit/ShaneHansell)
Reid (21) college student; used MFW 3rd-12th grades (2004-2014)
Alexandra (29) mother; hs from 10th grade (2002)
Travis (32) engineer; never hs

OklahomaJamie
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2010 9:08 am
Location: Rural Oklahoma
Contact:

Re: Prayers needed

Unread post by OklahomaJamie » Mon Nov 15, 2010 9:10 pm

Thank you so much for the tips. We do try to have friends over at least once a week, and he gets to go to his friends houses sometimes too.

I'm about to go look at the link to the other posts too. Only thing is, we live out in the country and have no neighbors or kids around :( That's what makes it hard for us.
Julie in MN wrote:Jamie,
That was what I suspected. But I'll pray that kids will come out of the woodwork. My son's book club, for instance, is a few miles away, and his math team is probably 20 miles. But these things surfaced after much specific prayer & effort to go to even things that didn't seem right, yet got me in touch with other moms and led to just the right thing for my child. God is good.
Julie
We had our first co-op classes today and I really think he enjoyed it. He took science, art and pe. He didn't like the science because the lady told us it was all hands on, where they made stuff all the time, but it wasn't and that's what he was looking forward to. We do science at home with ECC and he loves it, so we'll just do PE and art at the coop. He was apprehensive about taking art, because he says he doesn't like drawing, but it was his favorite class today. He learned to draw in perspective today and he did a city block scene. I was amazed! He was so proud of himself, he came home and taught me one lesson, and he said he'll teach me another lesson tomorrow! I think he like PE too. He seemed to fit in and made a few friends and I was pleased with that.

Thanks for the prayer and do keep praying because I'd really like some closer H/S playmates for him. I am starting him in Upwards basketball, first practice not until January. We may also put him back in mixed martial arts.

Thanks so much!
Jamie

Wife to Adam since '85
Our 3rd Year of Homeschooling!!
DS (12 years old)
DD (grown up & married with a family of her own)
Exploration to 1850 (what I'm looking into)
We did ECC first year homeschool

Julie in MN
Posts: 2925
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:44 pm
Location: Minnesota

Re: Prayers needed

Unread post by Julie in MN » Wed Nov 17, 2010 6:00 pm

Wonderful, sounds like prayers are being answered already!

About the science, one year (7th grade), I invited another homeschooler over to our house to do science experiments. It was a gal, but it didn't seem to matter much. I had the science kit and they both had textbooks to read at home. They did the experiments on their own, I also gave quizzes and graded them. I think both the parent and the child appreciated being able to do science experiments with someone else.

They also did the cooking projects in 1850MOD together. Messy but some fun things to try. One week, they'd read and choose the recipe. I'd check off the ingredients I already had, and the other mom would provide the rest even if she needed to purchase them. We'd share the results!

So just one other student can help mix it up,
Julie
Julie, married 29 yrs, finding our way without Shane
(http://www.CaringBridge.org/visit/ShaneHansell)
Reid (21) college student; used MFW 3rd-12th grades (2004-2014)
Alexandra (29) mother; hs from 10th grade (2002)
Travis (32) engineer; never hs

Julie in MN
Posts: 2925
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:44 pm
Location: Minnesota

Prayer needed

Unread post by Julie in MN » Wed Nov 30, 2011 10:57 pm

amelasky wrote:Hi all! I am requesting prayer for our family. The kids are I are still deeply in love with our MFW curriculum and loving school. Due to just how vast Texas is, and how far away we are from most homeschool groups, we are really having a hard time locating other families to interact with. It has become extremely isolating for the kids and I. I wasn't aware of how isolating until my son was having a really hard time trying to come up with a list of "friends" to invite to his birthday party in three weeks. He kept listing those that he wanted to invite, and it was either someone he had only met once or twice through a sporting event, or dear friends that now live several states away.

Thankfully, we do have family close that we get to see almost daily, but I think that the kids are now fully aware that they aren't surrounded by friends. Please pray that I can encourage them in this stage, and that God will provide deep, Godly friends for us all. I know that He will and that in the meantime, we can learn to cry out to Him and that He will be our best friend. It is hard to look your little ones in the eye though when you're struggling with the isolation as well.

Not meaning to be so down and discouraged, but I feel free to share with my MFW family and I know that you guys truly pray for one another. Thanks,
For birthday parties, my kids (especially my dd) have often relied on me to rally up a group. Even when kids are public schooled, it doesn't mean that they will really have any friends. And in any case, birthday party attendees don't have to be close friends, but can just be there for each other's events, that's okay. Or, maybe those events will even be what sparks a friendship, who knows. Some sources of our birthday party attendees were:

- cousins and more distant semi-relations (children of sister-in-law's sister, etc.)
- siblings of a brother's or sister's friends
- children of adults that I knew
- groups of kids that we parents led, such as Sunday School or the Girl Scout troop I ran over many years

And if that fails, then a birthday party doesn't have to be a bunch of kids. It can be an event of another sort.

But I will pray, since you are feeling that need.
Julie
Julie, married 29 yrs, finding our way without Shane
(http://www.CaringBridge.org/visit/ShaneHansell)
Reid (21) college student; used MFW 3rd-12th grades (2004-2014)
Alexandra (29) mother; hs from 10th grade (2002)
Travis (32) engineer; never hs

meagabby
Posts: 75
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2005 6:07 pm

Re: Prayer needed

Unread post by meagabby » Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:01 pm

Annie,
Praying for you! ;)
How about taking 1 friend to some place special for your son?

We've been in your shoes several times, too. After tiring of being the new people in town and no friends, we came up with 'family only' birthdays that are actually held on their birthday. I let birthday child choose the dinner meal. (usually homemade, but sometimes a restaurant-depending on which one) We make a homemade cake the day of and the siblings decorate the family room with crepe paper and homemade signs. :) just one idea.

You sound rural, so keep in mind you could be so in the larger cities and have SO many playmates that you cannot choose or are overwhelmed how to cut the list down. :)
Probably not the comparison you wanted, but too many choices or people can be a complaint too.
Loving learning with MFW!

blessedmomof3
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 7:19 pm

Re: Prayer needed

Unread post by blessedmomof3 » Thu Dec 01, 2011 4:11 pm

We are in Texas in a rural area and have had the "friend problem" or, lack of, I should say. We've tried to find that in the church we've attended and nope, zip, zilch....people are just not interested. With my kids we've usually done just family also except for a few years when we were good friends with another homeschooling family in the neighborhood we lived in at that time.

My kids cousins have these HUGE birthday parties with, and I'm not kidding, about 30-45 kids that my in-laws attend. Then my in-laws come to our kid's b-days and have these looks on their faces like "oh poor homeschooled children...so isolated".

Anyway, Annie I don't know what part of Texas you're in but email me and we may live close...who knows. That would be a miracle. :) I'll be praying for you.

Kelli

amelasky
Posts: 56
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2007 11:40 am

Re: Prayer needed

Unread post by amelasky » Sun Dec 04, 2011 6:52 pm

For those that gave their input, THANKS! This is the first birthday party in about 3 years that isn't "family only" Usually we go somewhere as a family, a children's museum, Six Flags, etc with the cousins and call it a party. This year, he was begging to have a party with invitations, and "goody bags" like his sister has each summer. December is just such a busy time to be having a party.

I just wanted to give a quick update. It is amazing how God moves and helps us right when we need it! This past Tuesday was such a hard day for me. Tuesday night was supposed to be a Mom's Night Out dinner about 15 miles away. I was so excited, arranged childcare, got dressed up and headed out. Arrived at place we were supposed to eat, and NO ONE showed up! In tears, I called my sister and told her what had happened. 10 minutes later, my sister and niece showed up. They said that they didn't want me eating out alone. Was it what I had planned? No. Did I get to discuss homeschooling with other moms? No. Was I reminded that God hears the cry of my heart and is providing "Mom time" for me? YES!

Fast forward to Friday night of last week. We were able to attend the same homeschool group's Christmas party. Over 100 people! Hayride, bonfire, dinner, laughter, and lots of conversation! My kids had a wonderful time. My husband enjoyed getting to visit with several of the guys there. I almost cried on the way home. My kids were telling me all about the kids they met and got to play with. My son was spelling their names and telling me that maybe they should be who we invited to his party! :-)

All that to say this; Sometimes we need someone to listen to us when we are struggling. Thanks guys. Y'all are the best. God hears the cry of our heart. His timing is perfect. A handful of close friends and family is really enough. Now if I can just get these birthday invitations printed and in the mail on time! :~
Annie
Married to my best friend and high school sweetheart for 18years. Blessed momma to my princess (14) and little warrior (10).
Exploration to 1850

sandi
Posts: 38
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2006 5:35 pm

My daughter wants to go to public school... :-(

Unread post by sandi » Sun Nov 25, 2012 7:31 pm

davimee wrote:My oldest daughter is in 6th grade, and will be 12 in January. We have homeschooled since preschool, and we've always enjoyed it. She used to say she was so glad she was homeschooled, rather than going to public school. Especially when it comes to enjoying a relaxed morning and not having to get up early every morning. :-)

Well, a few weeks ago my daughter came to me and said she doesn't want to homeschool anymore. She said she feels like an outsider, she doesn't fit in anywhere. When she gets together with the kids in her Sunday School class they always talk about what's going on in school, and she feels left out. She doesn't really have any close friends her age. We talked about her feelings, and I suggested we look for a co-op. We've never been a part of a co-op, but that's because of me... I can handle teaching my own girls from our curriculum, but I just don't feel confident in teaching other kids. So I've never looked too closely at co-ops. But I told her I was willing to do that, if that would help her. She said she doesn't want to attend a co-op, she wants to go to public school. I also suggested she invite some friends over from church, but she has not really jumped at that idea, either. Her younger sister lamented she would miss her sister, and said no matter what, she wants to keep homeschooling. Well, that lifted my spirits a bit! But I just don't know what to do about my older daughter.

I suggested to the girls that we start a cookie club, or some sort of club, and let them each invite a few friends over each month for something fun. They were both interested in that idea, but then 3 weeks ago we were in a car accident and I'm not recovering from that too well, so I don't think I could handle that too well at this point. Hopefully within a couple months of physical therapy I'll be better, but for now I'm hurting too much to host a bunch of girls for a fun afternoon of baking. :-)

I asked my daughter her reasons for wanting to go to school, and she said it's just to be with other kids. She also said she's always wanted to be a missionary, and going to public school would give her that ability. As of now, the only time my girls are with other kids are at Church on Sundays, and AWANA Wednesday evenings. I do understand how she feels, but I don't know the solution.

I've been thinking about our reasons for homeschooling... Our main reason is so we can teach our girls what we believe, and know what they are learning. But also it's for the close relationships we have as a family. I know if she went to public, or even private school, that would change. She would be more influenced by the other kids than she would by our own values at home. My husband is also afraid she wants so much to fit in, other kids would take advantage of that.

There is a private school in our town, it's run by our church. I would consider it, but we don't have the $5000 per year to send her. And getting a job to pay for that is not an option for me, for health reasons. I have a feeling if she went to private school, within a month she'd be asking to come back home because she'd hate it. And for that reason I'm halfway tempted to let her do it. But I don't want to take the chance she'd love it.

If we did allow her to go to public school, I would also have her continue her Bible studies at home with her sister. I am really, really struggling with this. We do live in a small town, and I suppose in the grand scheme of things our public schools aren't as bad as they'd be in the city... but I still really hesitate to let someone else teach my daughter what the government wants her to know...

I would love any insight anyone can give me. I don't even want to consider letting her go to public school... at the same time, I want to be open to whatever God calls us as a family to do... but I've always believed it was homeschooling. I'm just heart broken that my daughter no longer wants to do this. I know there are other homeschool families in our community, but I'm really not close to any of them. I'm such an introvert, I'd be more than happy to stay home all the time. But that's not how God wired my daughter, so I'm willing to do whatever I need to for her. But she's already said she doesn't want to get involved with other homeschool families.

Anyway, thank you for reading this far, and I look forward to anything you might have to say.
Emily
Hello there,
I know this has to be very difficult for you. :~ I also have a daughter that really enjoys being with other friends. I think if we had somewhere to go everyday of the week that she would be happy! I am just thinking what I would maybe do if I were in your shoes.

The first thing I would do is pray and ask the Lord for guidance as to what to say to my precious daughter. If I knew in my heart that the Lord has called me to homeschool my children then I would continue down the path that He has called me to do. If you continue to homeschool you would be able to control what your child is being taught.I don't know about you but I am soo thankful for the opportunity to teach my children God's hand in everything all through the day. That is such a blessing! At the age your daughter is right now it may be hard for her to understand that you are doing what is best for her. One day she will see that. To have the freedom to teach your child about God and have those relationships with them is priceless! I would continue on and not think twice!!!!

As to how to solve the problem of no friends you will probably have to step out of your comfort zone of staying home and get involved. I know how you feel. I am happy in my little world. ha ha I would check out the co-op thing. It might really be something you enjoy. If it doesn't work out then you could have friends over when you start to feel better. I would sit my child down and explain to her the reasons from Gods word why we homeschool and why we would continue. I would tell her that you understand her need for friends and that you would be praying and thinking of ways that you could make that happen for her. I would pray that God would change her heart. I would pray and pray with my husband about our decision but I would not give up homeschooling very easy at all. I would not quit unless I knew that is what God wanted me to do.

I will pray for you and your decision. Take care and hang in there!
His Child,
Sandi

homeschooltabby
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2012 12:40 pm

Re: My daughter wants to go to public school... :-(

Unread post by homeschooltabby » Sun Nov 25, 2012 9:36 pm

Hello,

First, I want to say that I am praying for you. Second, I would like to share that when my son was about 8 years old he decided he wanted to go to school. It was toward the end of the year with a couple of months left. At this time my husband did not completely support homeschooling (Now he is 110% behind it and recommends others to think about doing it PTL). We decided to let him try it and it lasted 2 weeks and our son was very sad every day after about 2 days. It took about six months to undo what the school system had done. He had picked up some bad habits in that time in his character but God is good and has restored it. He also learned habits in his learning such as counting on his fingers even though he had been taught his math facts by memorization. In addition, he learned that words can hurt worse than sticks and stones because he was bullied for praying over his food at lunch time.

I am sorry that I do not have any answers for you and your precious daughter but I pray that the Lord will show you what you need to do. :)
Wife to a wonderful man
Mom to a wonderful 13 year old son
Starting ECC for the New Year (Very Excited!)

Ohmomjacquie
Posts: 70
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 8:26 pm
Location: ohio
Contact:

Re: My daughter wants to go to public school... :-(

Unread post by Ohmomjacquie » Sun Nov 25, 2012 9:54 pm

My daughter has gotten very down when it comes to friends. We have gotten her into sports like gymnastics and soccer, we do co-op and keepers at home. Then if there is a girl she his it off with we try yo set up a date to let them play.

I like the co-op and other ideas you have. I also agree that you need to have a chat about why you homeschool. prayers for you and your family!
Jacquie
2012-13 Adventures
2013-2014 ECC & K
Mom to:
Chelsea (9) Hunter (5) Natalie (4) & Alison July 2013
See MFW in action @ http://www.myblessingshomeschool.com

Julie in MN
Posts: 2925
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:44 pm
Location: Minnesota

Re: My daughter wants to go to public school... :-(

Unread post by Julie in MN » Sun Nov 25, 2012 10:13 pm

Hi Emily,
I just wanted to join in as someone who has dealt with this issue for a long time. Some of the past conversations I've joined in on the general topics of loneliness, isolation, and not wanting to school. Maybe one will have thoughts that could help:
http://board.mfwbooks.com/viewtopic.php ... 040#p10040
http://board.mfwbooks.com/viewtopic.php ... 579#p67579
http://board.mfwbooks.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=3909
http://board.mfwbooks.com/viewtopic.php ... 947#p32947

I will tell you that the "junior high" years are the most painful in this regard. It's like kids step out of the family circle and into the wider world at that point, and the desire to fit in and be a part of things becomes so strong it can seem painful. The sad thing is that being in large groups doesn't guarantee friends, certainly not good friends, and doesn't necessarily teach a child how to "be" a friend. The good news is that kids do grow out of this by about age 15 or so, and start to become their own person.

I have a son who went to public school for K-12 and he has turned out to be a nice young man, so I don't mean to condemn that choice. But I might write out a list of pros and cons of each decision, to help you think this through. Then take a hard look at which side has the more important things on it. I might also take a walk through the public school hallways that you are considering (as well as the co-ops), to really get a feel for both sides (maybe just you and dh at first). And finally, I am very clear with my son that I will listen to his concerns and I will try my very best to provide him many options and good experiences, but in the end, it is my job to be the very best parent to him that I can, and that includes being responsible to make the final choice about where he is educated.

Blessings as you wrestle with this for your precious child,
Julie
Julie, married 29 yrs, finding our way without Shane
(http://www.CaringBridge.org/visit/ShaneHansell)
Reid (21) college student; used MFW 3rd-12th grades (2004-2014)
Alexandra (29) mother; hs from 10th grade (2002)
Travis (32) engineer; never hs

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