Character - Training behavior, daydreams, silliness, more

Art, Foreign Language, Music, Nature Walks, as well as general ideas and encouragement
mgardenh
Posts: 174
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2007 4:55 pm

Character - Training behavior, daydreams, silliness, more

Unread post by mgardenh » Wed Sep 10, 2008 2:07 pm

Dealing with a Daydreamer
richncyndi wrote:How do I deal with a child who constantly daydreams? She wants to do the right thing and is generally obedient. She knows how to do the work, but she has difficulty staying focused on her work, especially when I'm trying to teach her younger sisters.

What sort of correction or remedy works best in this situation? How can I make sure she's doing her work when I'm trying to accomplish teaching the siblings? Any suggestions from people who have dealt with this problem and had success would be helpful. [DD is 9, almost 10]
I have a very distracted dd with lots of issues. What works best at our house is setting a timer. I tell her you have 10 minutes or what ever time I think is good to get it done. If she gets done early I add those minutes to a fun thing (time with me). If she doesn't get done she loses a privilege, usually less play time. I take the minutes longer away from play time. Now sometimes I miss-judge and it takes longer for dd to complete, but as long as she is working at it I tell her it's ok and I won't take anything away.

If you're curious about add or adhd ask your pediatrician. They should have a questionnaire for you to fill out then bring back to the doctor to discuss. Or at least our ped did.
Mike
DH to Laurel
SAHD (mostly) to
Julia - 10 years old, Explorations to 1850
Alexis-7 years old, Explorations to1850 see her story at
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/alexisg
Have used MFW, k, 1st, Adventures, and ECC, CTG, RtR

Hmschooling
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Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:56 am

Unread post by Hmschooling » Wed Sep 10, 2008 2:07 pm

My 7yo dd was diagnosed as ADHD and as it turns out, that's not it. She's just gifted. She has the same problems as you've mentioned...I'm not at all considering myself to have successfully remedied the situation but here's some ideas that have helped tremendously (sometimes) :o)

One word can sum it up. Sensory.

Sensory activities seem to make a BIG difference for my dd. If she works on something til the daydreaming starts, she can go "run laps" around the "track"..this is the loop from schoolroom to kitchen/dining room to living room to foyer and back to schoolroom; she might do pushups and jumping jacks or a quick "get all the wiggle out" dance; we figured out recently that a 2 minute or so break to swing is the biggest help of all. Swinging provides HUGE sensory input and seems to really help. These activities have proven to be more like a reset button on her attention span. You could try those big stretchy exercise bands and let her fight the resistance of them with all her limbs, exercise balls and air filled balance disks are good too. Sometimes, dd will sit on one of the balls (especially the peanut shaped kind) and do her work from there.

ETA: Unless you are interested in medication for ADHD, a diagnosis is unimportant IMHO. Behavior is the major problem so work at that. Many children are misdiagnosed with it. DD had EVERY single symptom of ADHD. They were telling us how to raise our child. After a while, when we saw no good results, we dug deeper and took it all into our own hands (and God's). Misdiagnosis was proven for our dd by a neuroscience center after an EEG to check brainwaves for any signs of ADD/ADHD. The doc came in and said there is NO chance of ADHD...her diagnosis was giftedness and some just being her personality. We've seen improvements by leaps and bounds just by trial and error and taking away that label.
Currently using HOD
Planning our future return to MFW for the high school years

cbollin

Unread post by cbollin » Wed Sep 10, 2008 2:53 pm

Cyndi,
Daydreaming isn’t a bad thing. In ECC, you’ll read about Nate Saint and how he used to daydream. Then there are all kinds of inventors who daydream.

My 9 year old is my daydreamer. She is a sweet, good kid, obeys right away, and is really skilled at cleaning this house with me today. I asked her last night while she was cleaning the basement how come it is so easy for her to keep up cleaning until it is done. She answered "I like to play pretend games in my mind while working. It’s more fun that way. It's an adventure." Okay....

Anyway. When it comes to school time, she sometimes has a hard time understanding what all I am saying or what is going on in the story I’m reading. She gets lost because I go too quickly. I’ll slow down and interact a bit more with her by asking her to tell me what she is hearing in the story. I’ll let her sit next to me and snuggle on the couch while I read the words. And I have to slow down and define key words as we go along. She gets lost and wonders what a new word means. She starts to think about it and then the daydreaming begins.

She was in speech and language therapy for a long time with auditory processing issues. Here is one thing to consider if you end up getting a diagnosis of any child for something. The diagnosis is there to help you find strategies to help your child and to get your self knowledgeable about that diagnosis. Don’t be too frightened of that process. Not all labels mean to medicate if you don’t want to. But depending on the child's age, you may not need to go that route right now.

Well, enough for now my daydreamer needs to work on her writing. We spent all morning cleaning and now doing school this afternoon after taking youngest (who is autistic) for her occupational therapy.

-crystal

mgardenh
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Unread post by mgardenh » Wed Sep 10, 2008 3:38 pm

I would say a diagnosis can be very helpful. There are people who treat without medicine using different techniques that work. Like dc swinging while your read, or therapy ball to bounce on while she works. (I have done all of these things with my dd and they have all helped in various ways.) The key to diagnosis is getting someone or a team who is good at it (that's the hard part). Many of these things are ambiguous and many of them cross. Like adhd symptoms can be sensory, can be autism, can be diet, or any number of other things. Just because you have one doesn't eliminate the other but there is no one thing that means you have something.

It's not about a label its about helping your dc do the best they can and giving them things they need to help focus, concentrate or whatever is needed.
Mike
DH to Laurel
SAHD (mostly) to
Julia - 10 years old, Explorations to 1850
Alexis-7 years old, Explorations to1850 see her story at
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/alexisg
Have used MFW, k, 1st, Adventures, and ECC, CTG, RtR

dhudson
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Unread post by dhudson » Wed Sep 10, 2008 4:22 pm

My 7 yr old little girl is precious and delightful and utterly charming, smart as a whip and hard to keep on task. We once had a ballet teacher who asked if my daughter was ADD and asked her not to come back. She was obedient in that she did what the teacher told her once or twice and then she was going to do her own thing (her favorite was dancing while looking in the mirror). I panicked and went straight to the Dr who told me she was fine, but busy (no news there) and that I should never go to that dance instructor again.

So, I understand where you are coming from. I think Mike was right on about timers. We have timers all over the house, particularly for her. If she knows there is an end in sight then she seems to do better. If she doesn't finish in time then she has the responsibility to do it before she gets to play. If she does, she gets to put a sticker on a chart and when it reaches five she picks a treasure from the treasure box. Out of the classroom we have a marble jar for good behavior and so many marbles gets a special treat ( ice cream, date with Mom or Dad etc.). Staying diligent gets a reward and not being diligent gets discipline.

I find keeping tasks short with physical breaks in between ( we often do a lap in the backyard or a dance break in the family room) help all of my kids but particularly my daughter a ton.

Oh, she's now in Irish Dance which is more her speed - fast!
God Bless,
Dawn
http://www.shiningexamples.blogspot.com
blessed Mom of three - 16, 13 & 13
happy user of MFW since 2002

mamaofredheads
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Unread post by mamaofredheads » Wed Sep 10, 2008 6:32 pm

I have an "undiagnosed" ADHDer - for some kids when you home school them you just know. :) We have chosen to treat this with supplements and dietary changes. The difference has been huge!!

I agree with timers and short breaks to provide some physical activity.

Another thing that can make a big difference is to be sure she has some protein spread throughout the day...some with breakfast, a mid-morning protein snack (peanut butter and crackers, cheese sticks and an apple, etc.), continuing like that throughout the day. Nothing sugary until school is finished is the rule here also - even then I like to avoid it most of the time. Sometimes that's hard with breakfasts, but I see a bit difference in behavior when they have "sugar breakfasts" - we save those for Sat. morning. :) If you decide it is ADD/ADHD and not just an active child, you might look into food allergies. Most ADD/ADHD/autistic kids have some type of food allergy.

My .02 :)
Glenna

richncyndi
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Unread post by richncyndi » Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:13 pm

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful replies. My DD is 9, almost 10. She also is very creative. She's a very proficient reader and has a great imagination. She's definitely not hyperactive, if anything she's a little underactive, until it comes to her imagination. I realize that's a good thing at times. I do use timers, but I guess I don't like being tied to them--but hey, whatever works. I will try making her get up and do some jump roping, running, etc. to reset her thinking mode, as Tamara had mentioned. The other thing she has a problem with is listening to and following directions. She'll "hear" my instructions and then go to something totally different, simply because she already thinks she knows what I'm going to say and has that set in her mind. I usually have to have her repeat what I told her to do, then retell her because she didn't hear me right. I don't think I'll take her to the doctor just yet. I will also try making her eat more protein, as I am a diabetic and know how necessary protein is for the blood sugar levels. Anyway, thanks again.

Postby richncyndi » Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:31 am
We've been taking breaks around 10 a.m. to do calisthenics and train for physical fitness testing that our homeschool group does. They really enjoy getting fit, and I'm doing it with them. So I seem to be less apt to lose my patience because I have more energy to "deal" with them.

Hmschooling
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Unread post by Hmschooling » Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:39 pm

I'd look more into sensory, giftedness, and auditory processing issues. Just the fact that she is a proficient reader suggests something other than ADHD according to most docs, although I wouldn't rule it out.

We did the allergy testing and limit sugar and omitted caffeine. We don't snack on junk and she eats her veggies. She has mild sensory and auditory issues that didn't qualify her for therapy for them, although her OT and PT helped with the those mild issues for us too. All of this, plus the hints I mentioned earlier have helped a lot.
Currently using HOD
Planning our future return to MFW for the high school years

kellybell
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Unread post by kellybell » Wed Sep 10, 2008 8:58 pm

I have four kiddos and I really think you can slap a label of ADD or ADHD on three of them. The 2nd child is most likely switched at birth as she is the only one with freckles, that is "normal." (as if any kid is normal).

My oldest is flighty and not hyper. She's always been like that. Just really dopey at times. She's 14. I am trying to train her to use lots of lists and reminders. She's a super sweet girl but flighty and forgetful.

My ds (turning 10 next month) is daydreamy and hyper (he takes turns just to make sure that I don't get too comfortable). I just have to ride him all the time. We use timers and lists. Since he IS an obedient kid (or strives to be) with a "good heart" then he slowly gets school done each day. Sometimes before dinner. I try to really encourage him a lot. "Wow, you got right with it today." It's hard to catch him "being good." The doctor gave him a diagnosis years ago and offered us Ritalin. But instead, we just use a good cup of strong coffee which is a lot like Ritalin for a hyper kid. It works somewhat. He goes through phases.

My youngest is also hyper. Can't sit still. Lacks self-control. Very ADHD. We try to have her "eat good food." Unlike her brother, she doesn't always want to obey. I just spend a lot of time with her and make sure I am watching her. If she needs to do some math, she does it right next to me so I can stir the noodles or cut the carrots while I can watch her.

I wish I had lots of advice but I don't. Some of the things that work for us include (and some are mentioned here already):

1. Small chunks of work. This might mean doing five math problems now and five later.

2. Consistency. On odd days I try not to ask too much of my hyper kids. Today we had a really cool field trip to the Supervisor of Elections and were home at 1 PM but the day was nearly shot for the two younger ones. They couldn't get back on track very well.

3. Do hardest stuff first. If spelling is the Dreaded Subject, do it first!

4. Get lots of sleep (easier said than done with wigglers).

5. Eat good foods. Not everyone agrees but I've noticed that when we have a sugar-free, protein-filled breakfast, we all do better. Of course, life includes some fake colors, lots of sugar, etc.

6. Lots of praise. ADHD kids know that they aren't meeting everyone's expectations of them. So, they need to hear when they did something right because it's HARD for them to do things right.

7. Lots of methods. Teach your child to use timers, lists, places where they won't get distracted, small goals, etc.

8. PHysical activity. This can just be a good ride on the swing set or runnign around the block. These kids need to wiggle.

9. Things to do during reading time. Some kids like to doodle. Some like to tinker with blocks (Legos, Magnetix, etc.) and some like to bounce on a big ball (we have all these).
Kelly, wife to Jim since 1988, mom to Jamie (a girl, 1994), Mary (1996), Brian (1998) and Stephanie (2001).

Cyndi (AZ)
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Unread post by Cyndi (AZ) » Wed Sep 10, 2008 11:33 pm

For my dd, the thing that has been most effective out of toys to help the wiggles, dance lessons, diet, cushy booster seat, timers, breaks, etc., is a regular exercise routine. I put her in a chain gym for kids and she goes to classes several days every week and loves to practice at home. Getting her body in shape and incredibly strong, and knowing when it's time to move and when it's time to listen has been invaluable. I'd suggest setting aside an hour per day at least three times each week for exercise -- jump rope, dancing around the family room, stretching, whatever. It makes the quiet times so much more peaceful around here.
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mgardenh
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Unread post by mgardenh » Wed Sep 10, 2008 11:44 pm

Julie in MN wrote:Maybe you've already done this, but have you broken down your instructions into very small pieces? And not until that is mastered do you move on to a larger piece or even 2 instructions in a row? Just an idea.
I have to agree with Julie about the instructions. I have to give instructions one at a time. Go get dressed. Then when she is done with that, Feed our pet. Giving multiple things almost never get done unless she reads it!
Mike
DH to Laurel
SAHD (mostly) to
Julia - 10 years old, Explorations to 1850
Alexis-7 years old, Explorations to1850 see her story at
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/alexisg
Have used MFW, k, 1st, Adventures, and ECC, CTG, RtR

Sweetpetunia
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Unread post by Sweetpetunia » Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:13 am

I just wanted to say I'm glad you posted this question. I have one of those daydreamers too. She's exactly like me. Even down to her curly hair. I used to get into trouble at school for staring out the window. DD is very distractable and also needs exact instructions repeated to her several times. Like your DD, she's very sweet the vast majority of the time and really tries to be good so I really don't think she's doing it to mess with me.

A couple of things that help her are having detailed lists to mark off as she goes through her day. She loved it when I made her a list ala Flylady and put it in a binder for her and we started doing "baby steps". It seems to be the only way to keep her (and me!) on track. We've... okay let me re-word that... I've fallen off the schedule/list wagon several times but this weekend, we decided to give it another go, so we start tomorrow.

The second thing that helps is an EFA oil blend for kids I found at my local health food store. The words ADD/ADHD on the label caught my eye one day and I picked it up. If DD takes it regularly, it helps. However, being very forgetful... she forgets to take it.lol. I just got a light bulb moment! Put it on her list!lol.

The talk about caffeine made me think it might be a good idea to get some good organic green tea for us to drink in the morning. DD loves tea. :)

Again, thanks so much for posting your question. It helped me out a lot.
Julie
Mom to 9~ 5 on earth & 4 in heaven:
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MelissaM
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My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by MelissaM » Tue May 24, 2011 8:02 pm

asheslawson wrote:My ds makes tons of noises while he is working, along with his complaining sounds I've become sadly accustomed to - grumbling under breath, heavy sighs, etc. He loves to make sure we know each and every thing that slightly annoys him, causes him irritation, doesn't enjoy or otherwise has any element of work to it - these things cause him to grumble all the time. I am trying to help him learn about responsibility and reminding him that work can be joyful but it's more about our attitude. I've often even reminded him that his avoiding work is probably causing his discontent. I am trying to be patient but he has done this so much that I literally want to scream. Everything we do has him grumbling and correcting others ALL the time.

His sister is quick to add to this by letting him know where he might be wrong, where he needs more information, etc. Now - she's begun correcting all the time. I've tried asking them to try to have a day without negative comments toward each other and anyone else and without correcting each other - but I'm struggling to get them to last 5 minutes without this. I don't know how this started happening - but it may have been a factor of many things. I have a teenager who is in public school and angry with some very bad things that happened at school (and rightfully so - his story is the largest reason I decided to homeschool this year & will not put them back in public school if I can avoid it).

Now - I have a secondary thing I've noticed - maybe it bugs me because of the constant complaints I already deal with - but now he is singing, chirping, bopping, grunting in a tune-like fashion, etc. He makes strange, repetitive noises ALL DAY. This may be normal - but when coupled with all the complaints - I am struggling to keep calm myself. Any tips??? I am losing my patience - and that is something I have been known for. Everyone that knows me - including my 4 older children attribute patience as one of my best characteristics - but it is being tested right now so greatly!

Here I feel like I get real advice, from real mom's, with real problems who don't try to pretend they have a better handle on it than anyone else. I tried responsibility charts that offered rewards. It seemed like I was working harder trying to keep up with the reward system than the help they were giving. Now I just tell them that if they don't complete their chores, correctly, their friends that they like to have over when PS gets out - can't come over. Plain & simple. That helps gets the chores done - but the joy is just gone sometimes.

On another note - after I posted this I ran into another hs mom that is occasionally there when I am. She seemed to be struggling with the same thing with her 10 yr old dd (the complaints). It felt so good to stand there next to another mom who admitted to an imperfect family - and then we got to share a few fun ideas too! God is amazing - I am still in awe that when I most need a lift - He never lets me down. He, in His infinite wisdom, knows just when we feel like we are going to lose it and sends little pearls our way! Thanks - ashes
Rest assured, you are not alone on Planet Weird, or I'm Not a Perfect Homeschool Mom. (I have been known to ask my children, "What is WRONG with you?" Does it make it ok if it's a sincere question - I mean, I really want to know!)

Ahem.
I'm sorry, I have no advice on the noises thing. I would probably have lost my patience long ago, and threatened to duct-tape his mouth closed. This is not an approach I'm advocating, I'm just saying. Patience. I'm working on it. I get a LOT of opportunities.

HUGS,
Melissa
:)
Melissa
DD13
DS10
DS5
DS2

Julie in MN
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Re: My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by Julie in MN » Tue May 24, 2011 8:22 pm

To me, there are two issues:

1. Complaining, which must be stopped at my house. And I'm convinced it can be stopped, with attention. I'm not sure the cup-half-empty feeling can be stopped, but I believe it can be kept to oneself most of the time. Conversation, practice, videos with good illustrations, and house rules all may help. One illustration that comes to mind offhand is the video, Personal Responsibility, by S. M. Davis. I remember having my dd watch that and fill out the worksheet that has them say It's ____ (not) my mother's responsibility, it's _____ (not) my father's........... all the way to the bottom of the page where finally she had to write: "it's MY responsibility"! S.M. Davis also has one called What to Expect From a 12 Year Old that talks about what Jesus was like at age 12. I don't love everything he does, but those two I do love :)

More on complaining here: http://board.mfwbooks.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=871
And http://board.mfwbooks.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=3967

2. Bad habits like noises, which are very hard to break and are best tackled early and may need to be continued for years. These kind of habits pop up in many, or maybe most, kids, and they affect how others perceive them -- so it isn't just a matter of annoying mom. The biggest bad habit I notice when I tutor is sniffing, which my oldest ds struggled with, too. I try to be open and bring up these habits because I think they will hurt the child. Usually I compare bad habits to burping -- most kids know that it's unpleasant to listen to folks burp. So if I tell them that their habit (with their nose, teeth, fingers, mouth, whatever) is similar to burping and is unpleasant or feels rude, they usually understand that analogy. But it's not easy to break those kinds of things. Sometimes the most you can accomplish is minimizing them or making them less noticeable to others.


HTH,
Julie
Julie, married 29 yrs, finding our way without Shane
(http://www.CaringBridge.org/visit/ShaneHansell)
Reid (21) college student; used MFW 3rd-12th grades (2004-2014)
Alexandra (29) mother; hs from 10th grade (2002)
Travis (32) engineer; never hs

asheslawson
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Re: My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by asheslawson » Tue May 24, 2011 10:26 pm

Ok..I think I'm ready to tackle this again fresh tomorrow. I will start by NOT skipping my morning workout - that always makes my day a little rough! Melissa - thanks for admitting it - I have to say - the work duct tape has definitely been threatened more than I'm proud to admit. Julie - the sniffing is what he started with before this got so out of hand. I would find myself starting to feel very agitated and asking him to use a tissue - before I realized he seemed to be trying to get out of doing the work. I will check out the resources you suggested.

On the other hand - he is absolutely learning - he seems freed to be learning at home and is soaring through items that I'm not even teaching. He loves history and geography and can spout facts and dates that I can't believe he can recall. He pores through books on these subjects in his free reading time. I guess this just confuses me because as much as I don't want to be concerned about the thoughts of others - I don't want him totally being thought weird by his peers. He has a very different personality from my other 5 and is pretty intensely emotional - along with being very devoted to me - which means if I lose my cool and snap at him - he melts completely. I will definitely see if I can't help him find a way to develop his quirks so they are a little more tolerable for others who may be nearby when he's studying and working!

I'm not proud when I lose patience with my kiddos - but it helps to know that other mom's who care for their kids the same way I do still lose it sometimes! Thx, ashes
"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him" Colossians 2:6
dd-28, ds-25, ds-24, ds-22, ds-14, dd-10, student 13, granddaughter 3
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ssanchez101
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Re: My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by ssanchez101 » Wed May 25, 2011 8:54 am

I know this may sound crazy but, join him. I mean full on genuinely without any sarcasm. If he starts chirping you chirp, if he sings you sing, and so on.

We are a military family with three young boys(7, 5, 2). The middle child(syndrome and all) is very emotional. Well, about 4 months ago dad deployed again; then two weeks ago his best of for the last 2 1/2 years moved away. He had such a complete emotional break down at a doctors visit a few days ago, that they called in a social worker to see if she could help. Her recommendation was join him. He is going through an angry frustrating time, which also frustrates me. And I am known for my patience just like you. I tried what she said the next time he had a fit and it worked. Soon we were both laughing hysterically and the situation that had set him off to that time was resolved much quicker now that we were calm again. I know my kids are younger but it is worth a try.

Cyndi (AZ)
Posts: 543
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 4:22 pm

Re: My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by Cyndi (AZ) » Wed May 25, 2011 1:04 pm

I was going to stay off of this post. I typed yesterday and deleted it, but today ----

You see, I can't be the only one who sneaks away to text my dh, "WHY DOES MATH HAVE TO INVOLVE SINGING?!?!?!?!" And you can guess what the answer is -- "LOL"

My dh and I went to Carol Barnier together last year. He LOVED it! He says he would love to meet that kid because he's just like him! And just so you know, when my dh helps out our dd with her AWANA verses, they may start out on the couch, but eventually he's talking to her heiny! (Get Carol's book.)

As much as I would love to put all the blame for the fidget gene off onto dh, when I was working as an engineer I was repeatedly asked to stop clicking my eraser. Now, I ask you -- why do you think they call them "Clik Erasers" then??? I will never give one of those to my dd!

And the noise. Oy. She makes up a song to go with every math page. She may go through eight Singapore pages in a day, and each one will have a little ditty. But how do you complain if she's doing 4 lessons per day in 20 minutes? She's doing the work. She just narrates as she goes. She pretty much narrates life as she goes. And documents much of it! She now asks me how to spell words that I have no idea to spell. She's 9. I had to turn down an invitation to a silent lunch by the homeschool sign language club, because the rule was that you had to pay a quarter every time you said something. We couldn't afford to go!

I got her a cushy seat to sit on for school time. Now she sits on the chair and puts the cushy seat on the floor so she can play with it with her feet while she's working.

Anybody wanna talk about how these kids feel about tags in their clothing? Or seams across the toes of their socks? Or how they can get their feelings hurt over an injustice that you didn't even see happen?

Anyway. There's a bunch of crazy people in our family, self included. Sensory, stimmy, loud crazy people. And we're all considered normal adults by our peers. The only suggestion I have is to get yourself something to wring with your hands, because you can cause wrinkles by putting your hands on your face too much and it gets too much dirt in your hair to be contantly rubbing your hands through it or pulling it. Oh, goodness -- I told you I was stimmy, too.

**********
I would separate the noise issue from the attitude issue. Bad attitudes get punished at our house. If you can't change your bad attitude, then you can go to your room where you're not sharing it with anyone. (That's why I make sure my room is so comfy.) :-) Actually, in your room by yourself with a bad attitude is a great place to pray. And pray. And pray. Because it takes God's grace to change a bad attitude, even for our kids. Usually a time-out followed by a high protein snack and some giggling really helps. That's my only advice on that. I'd make sure everyone is getting a good balanced diet and enough sleep. And pray.
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MelissaM
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Re: My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by MelissaM » Wed May 25, 2011 2:55 pm

I just want to say - I am loving this thread. You ladies are so wise! And so funny!

I appreciate you all.

:)
:)
Melissa
DD13
DS10
DS5
DS2

TriciaMR
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Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 11:43 am

Re: My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by TriciaMR » Wed May 25, 2011 6:56 pm

Don't worry... You're not the only ones, really...

I've got one who, when she gets upset, pinches her lips, rubs her hands, links her fingers over each other, pinches the skin under her chin, etc.

I've got another who insists on sitting in a rocking chair to do his math sheets, and yes, he has to sing a song while he does it. Then he rocks the chair so hard he moves it across the room. But, when he reads, he must have absolute quiet.

The other one hums while he eats. Rocks himself back and forth to get to sleep. (Actually, he's my "most normal".)

And yes, I clicked my "click eraser," tapped my pencil or pen, leaned back in my chair, chewed gum, and probably did all manner of annoying things back in the day.

But, we don't allow complaining, either. We've had to work real hard on that, but we're making progress.

-Trish
Trish - Wife to Phil, Mom to Toni(18), Charlie(14), and Trent(14)
2014-2015 - AHL, CTG
2015-2016 - WHL, RTR
2016-2017 - EXP1850, US1877
2017-2018 - DE, 1850MOD
2018-2019 - College, AHL
My blog

rjsmomma
Posts: 21
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 10:14 am

Re: My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by rjsmomma » Thu May 26, 2011 10:19 am

I'm so very thankful that you all have shared on here about this. Both my dh and dd are very similar. Both cannot sit still to save their lives, and while dd may make noises while working, she must have silence to do any kind of work:) Sometimes I'm thankful that she's an only child (though, not really). Do you know that if you have an only, they WILL fight with the dogs:) hehehe

Anyway, you've all made me laugh and that in itself is a lot of help!! (oh, and dd is 12, so the attitude is there with no end in sight, I'm pretty sure she really would argue with a fence post, and she HAS argued the color of the sky with me:) LOL
Shannon Meyer
DD - 13 years old - 7th grade
Used MFW for K, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and now 7th:)

cbollin

Re: My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by cbollin » Thu May 26, 2011 10:53 am

ssanchez101 wrote: Soon we were both laughing hysterically and the situation that had set him off to that time was resolved much quicker now that we were calm again. I know my kids are younger but it is worth a try.
just wantin' to say welcome to the board! Good to see you chime and feel part of the family! I love hearing stories with good endings like that. good smile over here.

I agree with the premise of the social worker to "dissolve the situation with laughter so the calm returns". laughter is good stuff. Not sure the exact technique (the monkey see monkey do) works for all kids. or maybe it's because I have all girls.. but my oldest never appreciated it when I tried it... hmmm... I wonder if that's the difference in my results. I have to make my daughter laugh in different ways, but I don't think I want to share them. LOL LOL

anyway... now I'm thinking of re-reading Caps for Sale with my youngest. you monkey you... .you give me back my hat! :)
rjsmomma wrote:I'm pretty sure she really would argue with a fence post, and she HAS argued the color of the sky with me:) LOL
My husband's brothers and sisters were all like that. 2 of them are now attorneys. :)

-crystal

Cyndi (AZ)
Posts: 543
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 4:22 pm

Re: My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by Cyndi (AZ) » Thu May 26, 2011 12:20 pm

rjsmomma wrote:Sometimes I'm thankful that she's an only child (though, not really). Do you know that if you have an only, they WILL fight with the dogs:) hehehe
Yep. Yep, yep, yep. BTDT!

I had to tell my dh about this thread this morning, and he just cracked up. He said, "Hey! I know a 'label' for that - it's called 'normal.'" :-)

(He said that as he was going back and forth from his office to the kitchen to collect his laptop, planner, sunglasses, lost keys, etc., as he was getting ready to leave for work. Then he put his shoes on and took them back off to run upstairs to get his wallet.)
2018/19: US1877
used MFW from K through WHL

RachelT
Posts: 352
Joined: Thu Aug 03, 2006 2:45 pm

Re: My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by RachelT » Thu May 26, 2011 2:13 pm

It's good to read this thread today! We were working on math equations - in separate workbooks for each child at their own desk. My dd started hers after she completed her copywork, without being asked. She knows that math is the last thing she really has to "finish" for her schoolwork to be over (except for reading, piano and violin practice, and some math facts drill). So, my son was supposed to be working on his assignment and here is kind of how it went:

J "Mom, I just can't decide which Lego kit to build for 4H for the fair this year. I can't decide."
Me "Okay, now focus on your math equation it says (I read it aloud again). Now write it out on the graph paper and show it to me."
(I go upstairs to do something and come back with a small bowl of popcorn for each child.)
Me "Did you write the math equation out on paper?" (I don't see it there.)
J "No, I'm writing it in my head." (He has Legos in his hands.)
Me "I told you to write in down here and show it to me."
J "But why do I have to write it out when I can figure it out in my head?"
Me "I told you to do it. Now please write it out."
J "Can I have another bowl of popcorn."

I check on B and she is doing fine and doesn't need help except occasionally asking me if her math is right, like "Mom, does 13 - 5 = 8?"

J starts humming a tune, bouncing on his chair.
Me "Have you written it out?"
He shows me the equation that is written out.
Me "Where is your answer?"
J "I don't know I need to get on the treadmill. My brain isn't working today."
Me "You can bounce on the mini trampoline for a couple of minutes"

A few minutes later I look over at my daughter and she has completed 4 pages of math! (She has NEVER done that before!)
Me "Wow! You could do the rest tomorrow?"
B "No, I want to finish is today before the public schools are done."

I have J come back to his desk and I sit next to him.
Me "Okay, I am going to sit here beside you and write this for you so that your brain can figure out the math."

We work on a few equations.
Me "Let's stop there for today and take a break."
J "Whew! Sorry Mom! I think I have 'math-lexia'!"
Me "You don't have 'math-lexia'! You understand how to do the math, your body and mind just need help focusing and concentrating on what you are doing."
Hugs.

B completes the test for her last lesson, unit test, and final test of MUS Beta and says, "Can you fill this out for me now?"
I fill out the certificate in the back of her math book and she has completed that level of math! (Although there are plenty of blank pages in her book for practice over the summer.)

Two different kids and one tired mama trying to give two different approaches. We don't all fit into the same mold!

Have a good day!
Rachel
Rachel, wife to Doug ~ 1995, mom to J (17) and B (15)
MFW K (twice), 1st (twice), Adv., ECC, & CtG 2006-2010,
Classical Conversations 2010-2016,
ECC/AHL 2016-17, eclectic 2017-18, WHL & US1 2018-19

http://rachelsreflections-rachelt.blogspot.com/

rjsmomma
Posts: 21
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 10:14 am

Re: My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by rjsmomma » Thu May 26, 2011 4:47 pm

That whole math lesson (your son's version, not your dd's:), sounds like what we do just about every day!!! My dd usually gets the math pretty well (though she hates to sit there and do it), but I usually can't get her to write out what she did to get the answer, and if she did write it out, she erases it, because 'it looks messy'. Most of the time she gets the answer right, but on some of her wrong answers, she has actually told me that the answer key is wrong and that she won't redo the problem because her answer was right!! :) Oh, well, she probably would make a good lawyer all except that they have to sit still in the court room, LOL!!
Shannon Meyer
DD - 13 years old - 7th grade
Used MFW for K, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and now 7th:)

asheslawson
Posts: 213
Joined: Tue Oct 05, 2010 1:37 am
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Re: My ds makes obnoxious noises & complaints while working!

Unread post by asheslawson » Thu May 26, 2011 6:53 pm

Oh my...just realized he probably got the habit from me...mine just manifested in my foot!!! I just recalled people would notice me popping my foot back and forth at the ankle with the free leg if I had my legs crossed anywhere - or if both feet are on the floor - I would push my toe into the floor and move my heel up and down...it was (ok..is - I still do it) noiseless so I didn't think about the similarity...but just the same...when I concentrate...I shake my foot back and forth. Reading all of your great stories has been stress relief in itself!!! I guess the noises have been driving me crazy because they are coupled with a new onset of his chronic complaints...which I am working hard to get under control!!! I'm considering a complaint jar...I'll just have them drop money in a jar for every complaint....I could get rich off my kids!!! I love the pointer of prayer time, healthy diet and good sleep - we've been way too busy lately and that usually causes everyone to be irritable. I just read a great blog about simplifying from an organization website...I've got work to do!!! You are all the best - and I am so relieved to see that we all lead seemingly normal crazy lives - such a relief to know.
"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him" Colossians 2:6
dd-28, ds-25, ds-24, ds-22, ds-14, dd-10, student 13, granddaughter 3
MFW K, 1st, ECC, CTG, RTR, EX1850, 1850-MOD
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