Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

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cinmor
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:16 pm
Location: Texas

Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by cinmor » Tue Sep 27, 2016 4:46 pm

Hi all,
I am heartbroken....my dd, 12 and in 7th grade, has been attending the local charter public school for about 4 1/2 weeks. We fought her all year last year with her doing work and attitudes and such, then we moved this spring, and I wasn't sure if we were going to homeschool her or not this year. I prayed about it but never felt like I got a clear answer so we went ahead and ordered the curriculum. We tried starting homeschool about 6 weeks ago, and from day one it was a fight and I couldn't sustain that with her any longer. It just lead me to tears and we made the decision to that it was time for her to go to school where I wasn't the one assigning the work. Keep in mind that I have my dd 8 who is still being homeschooled (who is on the autism spectrum) and my son (18 months). So all the fighting was not good for them to be around either.

Fast forward to now, she has had about 3 or 4 hours of homework a night. A lot of it is due to her working speed because she's very slow and meticulous....something that drove me crazy while I homeschooled her, but something I understand as part of her personality now and something we are trying to work on with her so she can get more work done during her school day. The scope and sequence of her math class is different from what we were using and so she tends to be very lost in math. She's had her feelings hurt by a friend who told her actually she was annoying when she asked her if they were friends. It took 2 weeks to get someone to come help and tutor her in math, which was just a one time deal I guess. She says she misses seeing all of us during the day, misses spending time with her sister and brother, and being able to go on field trips with us, do co op, etc. She asked me with tears in her eyes last night if she does a good job this year at school, can we homeschool her again. Today was a bit of a better day, not as much homework, and a bit more understanding in some subjects. But if you were to ask her what her preference would be....it would be homeschooling hands down.

It's been hard for her dad and I to see her walk through this. We're trying to not walk through this based on our emotions and based on the direction we feel God is leading us. We put "d day" on our calendar for the middle of October, so that we can evaluate then if continuing at ps is worthwhile at that point, have important lessons been learned, does she realize why we had put her into school in the first place?

I'm just looking for someone to commiserate with me I guess. Has anyone had to put their dc into school temporarily for something similar? Were things better when they returned home? How long did they attend before returning home?

Thanks in advance.....
Cindy
Cindy M
Mama to
Joseph Age (18 mos)
Mikayla Age (8)~Completing Learning God's story, moving on to Adventures/Exp to 1850 with big sis
Hannah Age (12)~Already completed MFW K,1st, Adv, ECC, CTC, and RTR, now doing Exp to 1850

Julie in MN
Posts: 2928
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:44 pm
Location: Minnesota

Re: Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by Julie in MN » Tue Sep 27, 2016 10:21 pm

Cindy,
<hugs> and commiseration. Raising kids can be tough. I always hung on to the fact that I could only do the very best thing I knew and then pray over the imperfections.

We did send our dd to public school for a class or 2 during a couple of years of high school, because she was so distraught over our pulling her out of public school (which made no sense since she was failing, but kids - or maybe all of us - don't always make sense). Anyways, I don't think it did anything but make things worse in her case, and it never caused her to value homeschool more, but it was what it was and we made it through. She is 29 now, and after those rocky years we are now close.

I guess I just wanted to keep you company until more busy moms chime in. These decisions are hard, perhaps on all of you, but your child is lucky to have parents who care so very much.

Julie
Julie, married 29 yrs, finding our way without Shane
(http://www.CaringBridge.org/visit/ShaneHansell)
Reid (21) college student; used MFW 3rd-12th grades (2004-2014)
Alexandra (29) mother; hs from 10th grade (2002)
Travis (32) engineer; never hs

TriciaMR
Posts: 1001
Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 11:43 am

Re: Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by TriciaMR » Tue Sep 27, 2016 10:54 pm

Lord, I just lift up Cindy and her husband, and ask you to give them wisdom on the best way to handle this situation. You know them, you know their daughter, and all the little details of the situation. Give them your courage and grace. Amen
Trish - Wife to Phil, Mom to Toni(18), Charlie(14), and Trent(14)
2014-2015 - AHL, CTG
2015-2016 - WHL, RTR
2016-2017 - EXP1850, US1877
2017-2018 - DE, 1850MOD
2018-2019 - College, AHL
My blog

cinmor
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:16 pm
Location: Texas

Re: Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by cinmor » Wed Sep 28, 2016 7:32 am

Thank you both for your sweet emails. It helps to know there are other mama's out there praying for me and with me in this...it feels kind of lonely. I'm thankful today at least she gets to participate in See you at the Pole this morning ...I hope that even if there aren't many kids there, that she'll still join in. I'm missing my girl very much!!
Cindy M
Mama to
Joseph Age (18 mos)
Mikayla Age (8)~Completing Learning God's story, moving on to Adventures/Exp to 1850 with big sis
Hannah Age (12)~Already completed MFW K,1st, Adv, ECC, CTC, and RTR, now doing Exp to 1850

TriciaMR
Posts: 1001
Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 11:43 am

Re: Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by TriciaMR » Wed Sep 28, 2016 10:31 am

Cindy,

I have not put my kids into PS for a season. However, if I were to do this, and then the child asked to come home, I would talk with husband about what our educational goals and expectations are for the child. Then, I would talk to child about their personal goals and also their expectations of you. Finally, I would come up with a written contract for everyone to sign. That way all goals and expectations are clear.

For example, if you expect her not to argue, that needs to be clearly stated. But, I also think that you need to have a method for her to appeal when she disagrees. (For example, she must be respectful, use a good tone of voice, and have logical arguments...)

I really like the book called Parenting is Heart Work. A google search will probably bring it up. They have lots of other great resources, too.
Trish - Wife to Phil, Mom to Toni(18), Charlie(14), and Trent(14)
2014-2015 - AHL, CTG
2015-2016 - WHL, RTR
2016-2017 - EXP1850, US1877
2017-2018 - DE, 1850MOD
2018-2019 - College, AHL
My blog

cinmor
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:16 pm
Location: Texas

Re: Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by cinmor » Wed Sep 28, 2016 11:36 am

Trish,
That is interesting that you mention the contract, that is something we had talked about (my husband and I) for if/when we were to bring her back home.

I was getting school ready for my 8 year old, and got sad when I saw the Exp to 1850 materials sitting on the shelf. I prayed and asked the Lord to forgive me for the times I didn't do my part. I prayed and asked for His leading on how long this season should be.
Cindy M
Mama to
Joseph Age (18 mos)
Mikayla Age (8)~Completing Learning God's story, moving on to Adventures/Exp to 1850 with big sis
Hannah Age (12)~Already completed MFW K,1st, Adv, ECC, CTC, and RTR, now doing Exp to 1850

TriciaMR
Posts: 1001
Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 11:43 am

Re: Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by TriciaMR » Wed Sep 28, 2016 11:44 am

More {Hugs}. You are not a bad mom. Your child has free will, too. I saw a great post a while back. Maybe it will encourage you.
Trish - Wife to Phil, Mom to Toni(18), Charlie(14), and Trent(14)
2014-2015 - AHL, CTG
2015-2016 - WHL, RTR
2016-2017 - EXP1850, US1877
2017-2018 - DE, 1850MOD
2018-2019 - College, AHL
My blog

manyblessings
Posts: 139
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Location: Nevada
Contact:

Re: Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by manyblessings » Wed Sep 28, 2016 2:43 pm

In my home, I had to put my older children in public school when their father and I got divorced. I went back to homeschooling a bit later, but one of my daughters was going through her feelings and did not want to be taught, so I let her go back to public school-didn't solve the problems because they were heart problems, not school problems. I wound up going through a year of therapy with her, and discovering she suffered from clinical anxiety and depression. Years later, she still needs 4 credits to graduate high school, which she plans to do on her own. Our relationship is better, though. I also have an estranged son, my oldest. All I can tell you is, I send you big hugs. You are a good mom. As children become teens, they are responsible for their own choices.
Lourdes
Mom of 4 adults, 1 daughter-in-law, 1 son-in-law, 1 in 1st, and
3 in heaven 8/11/06, 8/18/10, and 9/13/13
Married to my soul mate since 6/20/09
Past: MFW K, ECC, AAAT, VOD, GCA, LGS
2019-2020: ADV

cinmor
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:16 pm
Location: Texas

Re: Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by cinmor » Fri Sep 30, 2016 9:19 am

Lourdes,
I'm so sorry for the difficult times with your kiddos. ((HUGS))

Our dd finally had a breakdown last night. She didn't get to bed until close to 11 because of homework. She was exhausted. My dh and I agreed we cannot continue like this for much longer. We have a date in the middle of October selected as "d day", for us to make a decision if it is worthwhile for us to continue forward with her going to ps. She broke down and told me she hates going to school, how she's being treated by some of the kids, misses us, is tired of being tired all the time, etc. She said that when people ask her how school is, she just tells them "fine" even if it isn't because she doesn't want to get into the explanation of why it isn't fine. She said she just wants to homeschool again.

We're trying to look at this from a non-emotional perspective as much as possible. We know some important lessons are being learned here. But we also want to protect her health and sanity as much as possible. She's been a bit of a different kiddo the past week or so. I'm asking the Lord to really show us the right path to go here. So we'll see what things look like in a couple of weeks.

Blessings,
Cindy
Cindy M
Mama to
Joseph Age (18 mos)
Mikayla Age (8)~Completing Learning God's story, moving on to Adventures/Exp to 1850 with big sis
Hannah Age (12)~Already completed MFW K,1st, Adv, ECC, CTC, and RTR, now doing Exp to 1850

jhagberg
Posts: 52
Joined: Tue Feb 01, 2011 6:15 pm
Location: Illinois
Contact:

Re: Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by jhagberg » Wed Oct 26, 2016 7:25 am

Yes! I did this last year. My son was age 12 in 7th grade, and we put him in public school for the first time in his life. He had 3 hours of homework every night and I missed him terribly. We pulled him out the first week of November after he finished the Fall Play (he had a major role). I was so glad to get him back home again!!!
Joyce

cinmor
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:16 pm
Location: Texas

Re: Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by cinmor » Mon Dec 05, 2016 8:40 pm

I should probably post an update, LOL!! We ended up pulling her back out to homeschool again, back around the 20th of October. We're so glad that she's back home with us, as she is also. She realizes more now how good she has it here at home! We're still facing some challenges with dawdling, not obeying right away, and just the general tween attitude, but I definitely have a new perspective on all this.

To jhagberg, ugh, isn't it just gut wrenching? I am glad that my husband and I were on the same page about the timeframe of when to bring her back home, as that really helped. We wanted God to do in her whatever He had intended, so we were really praying and waiting on Him. I'm glad we did, even though if it were up to me I would have pulled the trigger a long time earlier!
Cindy M
Mama to
Joseph Age (18 mos)
Mikayla Age (8)~Completing Learning God's story, moving on to Adventures/Exp to 1850 with big sis
Hannah Age (12)~Already completed MFW K,1st, Adv, ECC, CTC, and RTR, now doing Exp to 1850

jhagberg
Posts: 52
Joined: Tue Feb 01, 2011 6:15 pm
Location: Illinois
Contact:

Re: Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by jhagberg » Mon Dec 05, 2016 8:43 pm

Oh, I'm so glad! Yay!! :-)
Joyce

TriciaMR
Posts: 1001
Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 11:43 am

Re: Has anyone had to send their dc to public school for a season?

Unread post by TriciaMR » Mon Dec 05, 2016 8:59 pm

Yes, thanks for the update. Keep praying! God has unlimited power!
Trish - Wife to Phil, Mom to Toni(18), Charlie(14), and Trent(14)
2014-2015 - AHL, CTG
2015-2016 - WHL, RTR
2016-2017 - EXP1850, US1877
2017-2018 - DE, 1850MOD
2018-2019 - College, AHL
My blog

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