Character - Adapting for wiggly kids?

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Julie in MN
Posts: 2928
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:44 pm
Location: Minnesota

Character - Adapting for wiggly kids?

Unread post by Julie in MN » Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:20 pm

Little boys
Guest wrote:My 5 1/2 yo ds has an extremely short attention span. I am looking for tips in concentration, and in scheduling. Is it good to make a schedule (ie: 9am stories and Bible, 9:30 wiggle time, 9:45 math, 10:15 wiggle, 10:30 phonics ect. ect) so he knows what to expect, or is this to rigid for someone of this nature.

Please help, I want to succeed with him in this area, realizing it may take time, but the days are not going well now. Thanks for the help, I am desperate!
What a blessing, 3 little boys! But lots of work for mom!

I will just say that I don't think most boys are ready for seat work until at least age 6, and even then only in small doses. Letters & numbers are "abstract" & my kids weren't interested, but they were still learning -- to play games, put together puzzles, pour, sort, and oh those character skills! And when they were ready, they learned to read within months (I can't take credit, they were public schooled then).

If you really want to start school with him, then I might suggest starting with a 15-minute formal activity at a set time in the morning. I agree that schedules help, because he only has to argue about it & learn to accept it once -- not a new issue every day.

Then the rest of the day you could require "educational activities" but open it up to a wide range of things that can somehow be construed as educational -- even if it's "phy ed" outside :o)

If your state is like Minnesota, you are not required to school until age 7, so you do not have to accomplish it all today! My husband tells me that it was torture for him to sit in a desk for most of his school years -- but he grew up just fine :o)

Best wishes in your endeavors for your son,
Julie
Julie, married 29 yrs, finding our way without Shane
(http://www.CaringBridge.org/visit/ShaneHansell)
Reid (21) college student; used MFW 3rd-12th grades (2004-2014)
Alexandra (29) mother; hs from 10th grade (2002)
Travis (32) engineer; never hs

SandKsmama
Posts: 120
Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2005 1:43 pm

Unread post by SandKsmama » Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:23 pm

Well, I'm new to all this, but I have a VERY wiggly, very very headstrong 5 year old son - I'll tell ya what we're doing, and what I think...maybe that'll help some?

My son just turned 5, so he wouldn't even be eligible to start K here until this coming fall if he were going to ps. I felt like though, that I needed to do something a little more "structured" with him, b/c when he's bored, he seems to find trouble:-) AND he does really well having that one on one time with mom every day.

5 is really little - *especially* for boys - to do lots of sit down work. I figure there will be LOTS of time for him to *have* to do things as far as school work goes - right now my goal is for him to learn yes, but my greater goal is for him to LOVE learning. I want him to know that school can be fun, and that learning is an adventure. Do I try and make everything he does one big party? No, not at all, but I don't want to squash his natural curiosity and desire to learn either.

Structure is really good for inattentive kids. I think your plan sounds good - lots of wiggle time for him in there. But do remember, he really is little. You've got lots of time for him to get to "formal" learning - I think you'd be amazed at how much even one year of maturity can make. (have you read the book by James Dobson "Bringing up Boys"? It has a *wonderful* section on boys and education. Really helpful)

hth! And I hope you get lots of great advice!

[Editor's note: See the end of the story below]
Amanda, Wife to a great guy since '99, SAHM to 4 fabulous kids! DD(7/96), DS(1/01), DD(8/03), and baby DS (3/09)!
Used MFW K, 1st, ECC, CTG, RTR, Ex1850, and currently using 1850-Modern!

Tina
Posts: 119
Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2005 6:00 pm

Unread post by Tina » Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:46 pm

Hi: I'm Tina and I have a 7 yo ds who is wiggly and silly too. It has taken time and maturity for him to "do school". We used MFWK and MFW1st with him also, and are in ECC now.

When we did school every day with ds, we did have a schedule. It worked best for him because then he knew what was expected of him. He ALWAYS had to have snack at the same time everyday. He needed to run out and get the mail when it came. He would go out and pat the dog at different times during "school". And some days, we just said, okay, fun day. He went into the back yard and had his own school. A schedule was helpful to all of us. (and I think K was only a couple of hours a day, if that--sit down stuff anyway)

5 1/2 is still so young. I would recommend short sit down times at the same time everyday. Lots of breaks. Lots of reading to him. Tactile learning games, etc.

Fyi, my ds is still wiggly and silly. He is more mature, but still is growing and I still need to allow him that. I can kind of recognize now when he is coming to the end of his sit down time and he is "all done". he is very bright, fun, humorous (keeps us all laughing!) and does apply himself when necessary. You ds will get there, it just may take some time and maturity.
Tina, homeschooling mother of Laura (1996), Jacob (1998) and Tucker (2003) In MO
"One of the greatest blessings of heaven is the appreciation of heaven on earth. He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."--JIM ELLIOT

Guest

Unread post by Guest » Wed Jan 18, 2006 12:28 am

I have a wiggly girl (she too would likely be diagnosed with ADD if we felt the need to pursue that). I will list some of the "oh so informal" things I do to accomodate her inattentiveness, boredom, and wiggliness.

-let her stand sometimes to do her work so long as it IMPROVES her focus (and it does).
-give her a squishy ball to "fiddle" with while I read to her. Keeping her hands busy will often free her mind to listen. (ith ADD kids, if you expect them to sit still and focus, they often can only focus on trying to sit still and nothing else).
-use lots of drama while teaching. Use voice, expression, props, etc. to capture your child's attention when reading to them.
-Ask lots of questions and use narration as well to keep their focus. While reading, I'll ask, "What do you think will happen next?" I also say, "Listen and be ready to tell me what is happening," and then I'll read a paragraph or two at a time and ask her to narrate back to me.
-Give a snack and then teach while she is eating (keeps her at the table and she becomes a captive audience without knowing it).
-Filter out distractions as best as possible (let the littles participate when she is working on art, notebooks, etc., and then work on more serious lessons with dd when they are otherwise occupied with naps, quiet play or an educational video/show).
-Make sure she is seated facing away from a window (so she is not distracted by birds, etc.)
-let her choose where to sit for lessons that can be done away from the table (ie. readers).
-be organized (have books and supplies handy so we can move as smoothly as possible from one lesson to the next).
-redirect her when she talks "off task." (ie. if I'm reading to her and she interrupts me to say something that has nothing to do with our time together, I remind her that we need to stay on task and to hold her thought for when the lesson is over).

I also have to occasionally remind my dd that we'll do our best to have fun during our time together but that some things will be fun, some challenging, and some she just may find boring. Regardless, it is necessary to bring our "thinking caps" to class and to be respectful of our time together, even when it's challenging for us.

Again, I agree with short sit down times, breaks, and remembering that he needs time to mature. At the same time, it is important to be gradually working toward being able to focus on lessons and respect the rules of your homeschool (and with children who truly have attention deficits, HOW they learn to maintain focus can be very different from how the next child is able to do so).

Linda, TX
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2005 8:59 am

Unread post by Linda, TX » Wed Jan 18, 2006 9:24 am

May the Lord bless all your efforts with your "wigglys" . Maybe they will all be Ty Penningtons one day who has found a successful way to be himself.

Although I do not have a wiggler of my own, I have babysat and had them in Sunday School and VBS and have found that a $25 investment of one of those exercise trampolines well worth it.

We all have wigglers in our life somewhere (child and adult) and all the suggestions and insight are so helpful.

Linda
Daughter Dallas (1997) and son Steve (1986)

Guest

Unread post by Guest » Thu Jan 19, 2006 11:43 pm

I have a 6 yo wiggly and a 7 year old tigger. It has been a challenge. Especially with an 18 month old who wants to bug everyone and is constantly interupting school. I don't have any solutions except to try to enjoy them and realize some kids can't learn if they are sitting still and quiet they are to busy trying not to move.

Some ideas are :
- Some days my daughter sits on an exercise ball and bounces her way through school.
- I have had one watch the baby and tried to work with one at a time.
- Sometimes I send one kid to work in the hall so they aren't so distracted.
- Bouncing the ball back and forth while you count or say the alphabet.
- Putting the alphabet cards on the floor and letting them jump to the correct letter or sound and then having them pick a sound or card for you to jump too.
- Adding up legos or blocks.
- Throwing things into a bucket and counting.
- Finding toys or things that start with a letter.
- Sometimes we do flash cards on the stairs they get to go up a stair with each correct answer.
- Sometimes I read and they color or do beads. I try to do read alouds and bible time at meals when baby is in chair and their mouths are full.
- We do exercise time and dancing time-- combined with music.
- Sometimes they get a kick out of teaching you something.
- When we did K there was an exercise where the first sound was said touching your head the next touching your middle and the next touching the ground folloed by a jump with the whole word.
- Sometimes I have them teach each other their math or reading. Or read to the baby or show him their letters.
- Sometime when you can it helps to let them choose.
- Or have something to look forward to after finishing a task like recess or snack or you playing cars etc with them.


The rest of the time I just survive and try to remember that they do settle down as they get older. My son was a really wild one when he was little until 9 or 10 and now he is a very responsible, smart, calm kid. Good luck and think how fun it would be with three.

Guest

Unread post by Guest » Fri Jan 20, 2006 3:30 am

Thanks so much for all the loving replies. I was having a very frustrating day and was ready to throw in the towel.

I tried the exercise ball, while he was printing of all things. HE LOVED IT!!!
We will use this quite often now. It was very cute to see him bouncing away.

I love the alphabet on the stairs idea. Too bad we don't have stairs. Maybe when we move home we will.
Thanks so much again! -wendy

Tina
Posts: 119
Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2005 6:00 pm

My son doesn't like to sit

Unread post by Tina » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:41 pm

mout wrote:I sure hope you all have some ideas for me... I have 2 dd's and 1 son. He is 6 and very active, doesn't like to sit and do things. I have really had trouble with his behavior this year, from defiance to disrespect, disobedience. My thoughts keep drifting towards "Egypt". (the Israelites complaining and looking back longing for Egypt, ie looking to public schools.)

My thoughts are something like this...
He will get regular exercise - in PE, recess, track,
He will have friends to play with.
He will be gone all day, thus I will have more patience with him when he is at home.
I will have some outside reinforcement of a teacher who also expects him to behave, do his work, etc.

I need someone to encourage me not to quit, but also to give me ideas of how to get the things above while I homeschool. Friends for all of them, exercise, support, etc. Without spending a lot of money. Does anyone participate in coops? Does this help? Any ideas to help on behavior?
Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 10:44 pm
Hi K.Lynn: Oh, don't quit! I also have a son who is 8 and is still silly, active, always moving, etc. I can relate to a boy who is always on the go. It does seem easier to send to school, yet, if the Lord is calling your family to have this time homeschooling, he will equip you.

Some things that I do to help my wiggly son:

--exercise ball. A big one. he will bounce on it several times a day to exert extra energy. Squishy squeezy things in their hands sometimes helps too. Allow times and breaks for moving around and breaking up the work sometimes helps. Writing on white-boards, magna-doodle, lots of hands on activities for learning and fun.

--I like co-ops but don't use them every year. We have done them in the past and this year we are a part of a homeschool group working on a play, Robin Hood. That really is our co-op this year. I do think they provide a good meeting time for the children, yet I don't do one every year. It may help if you are part of one if you think gym time is important. Maybe getting together with other boys in a homeschool group may help?

--try to get to the root of why he's being disrespectful, defiant and disobedient. It is definitely a good idea to catch these things early, but I also know that sometimes when my son is acting this way, there may be something on his mind, something he may need to talk about. Maybe some time with you one-on-one or one-on-one with Dad to try to get to the root of why. Maybe a sit-down with another authority figure, such as a pastor or youth leader or sunday school teacher? And then, there are times that he just plain wants to get his own way and we have to "curb" that attitude and remind him that it isn't always about him. Sometimes he may even be disrespectful and not know it. This is possible too. Sometimes an active, busy six year old boy might not realize that he's being disrespectful and may need reminders along the way what is appropriate and what isn't.

I hope some of this encourages you. God has a purpose your for fiesty, active little guy. It's during the training years that us moms sometimes wonder what that is and if its possible they will make it out of this stage and into that which God is calling them. I believe they will make it. God is faithful to complete the work He starts in our children too.

God bless.

HopeAnn
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2007 12:12 am

Unread post by HopeAnn » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:42 pm

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 12:23 am

Don't give up! He is only six. Boys do not sit still a lot.

Try to school on the move. My dd has sensory issues and we do most of MFWK in bits and pieces so she can have movement breaks. She gets defiant at times, but I make it clear she must obey as I am the teacher.

I joined a homeschool group. It took a year but now my kids have friends and I try to schedule play dates. I also found a homeschool PE class for them to attend. Maybe try to find things that interest him like bugs and use them to teach him science, math, and reading. Don't give up! It was worth the effort.

kellybell
Posts: 475
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 2:40 pm

Unread post by kellybell » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:43 pm

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 8:57 am

My ds is a lot like yours. He's 8 now. When I get frustrated with him and look out the window wistfully as the three yellow buses come cruising by each morning and each afternoon, I try to get an honest assessment of how he'd do in a "real" school. Our first two went to school for two years and four years respectively and I volunteered there enough to see what things are like.

1. He'd most likely be on Ritalin. I don't really want that if possible.
2. He'd be picked on by his peers for his behavior. He DOES interrupt a lot and it IS frustrating to try to read a passage to him.
3. He'd also be picked on because he's sweet. For example, he really likes when we get to watch our Little House DVD. "Oh, I hope Carrie is in this episode because she's just SOOO CUTE. I hope that when I grow up I have a little girl just like Carrie." That would be interesting fodder for the classroom bully.
4. He'd always be in trouble for his wiggling, etc. I'm sure that would hurt his feelings. He TRIES to be good, he just isn't as good as he wants to be (sounds like Paul, eh?).
5. He'd enjoy being around people, but unless we go broke at the Christian school again (sigh), he'd be around students (and teachers too!) who don't share our views. He's only 8 and is still forming his worldview. We'd rather not send him out into that.
6. He'd be expected to conform to what the state says is a second grader. My ds reads a bit higher than his peers, and is way ahead in math. His handwriting is sloppy and his artwork is too. He can't sit still as long as others his age. So, he's ahead in certain things, and behind in certain things. A second grade classroom would be a bad fit for him. He's also very interested in weird stuff (robots, sharks, crocodiles, lasers and holograms). The other day he said he wanted to get a green laser to go with his red and he asked why the greens cost so much more and I said, "I guess it's the elements used to created the color. Red is helium-neon, right?" And he piped up, "No, Mom, green is he-ne annd red is argon." He'd be lost if he tried to have that conversation with his classmate (probably).

In our schooling I try to cut off his interruptions (because it is rude) but allow him to wiggle and fiddle with stuff. He sits on a big exercise ball instead of a chair when working at a table. He squeezes "stress balls" when I read to them, or he doodles pictures of sharks, warplanes, etc., or fiddles with Geomags. I frequently ask all three big kids to narrate back what I (or another kid) just read...

He DOES try my patience a lot, but sending him to school is not the cure to MY patience problem. Prayer is. And, I'm not there yet.

You need a break, perhaps swapping an afternoon with a friend so you can get out alone (or at home alone) now and then. Or, at night when DH can help.

Yes, it's HARD schooling such a loud wiggly boy. But, it's better at home than it is in school.
Hang in there.

cbollin

Unread post by cbollin » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:44 pm

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 9:36 am

I don't have any boys, but I have 2 of my 3 girls with their own special labelings. so, a lot of what I say comes from those experiences. and a lot of it echos what the others have said.

* find regular time for you to get away and get a break from the kids. That goes for all homeschooling moms!

*working dads can help! Let your husband know you need help with the kids. No one expects mom to do it all by herself.

* co-ops can help, but be prepared for rude comments from adults and children (even in the Christian circles). Find a good support network with people who will offer real help and real encouragement; therefore build up one another. I had to break out of one co-op group I was in.... there were some (but not all) people who kept telling me that autism was my fault. Or that they didn't want their compliant child to be around my autistic child because "bad company corrupts good morals." I couldn't deal with that. I let God deal with it. So, my experience is that before you join up in a co-op, make sure you have a soft place to fall when (not if) those kinds of comments happen.

* take a look at some resources from a company called Heads Up Now dot com (with no spaces in it). Even if you don't have a child with sensory issues or ADHD... many of the resources can help with fresh ideas and techniques to use with wiggly boys and girls. This company sells a lot of the fidget gadgets that Kelly and Tina have mentioned. There are several really good books for all of this --- from how to change discipline techniques to gadgets, teaching strategies, and even study/organizational skills for the students. Melinda Boring is a resouce not to be missed.


Each child is so different and even those with no labels can be their own challenge. A lot of the problems can be worked through. It might take outside classes and outside ideas. No one expects that you should have to do it on your own. My youngest is in outside therapies and classes (she's almost 5) and I wouldn't be able to do it with those resources. Keep praying. God has the right resources for you.

Hang in there. {hug}
mout wrote: He will get regular exercise - in PE, recess, track,
He will have friends to play with.
He will be gone all day, thus I will have more patience with him when he is at home.
Now...trying here to address some of the points you brought up.

He will not necessarily get regular exercise in a public school setting. There is a lot of sitting in traditional classrooms. Even the Christian school down the street from me only has 15 minutes of recess and PE class is 30 minutes per week. So.....

*Try an indoor trampoline (the exercise sized ones), and look for ways to have him do physical chores. How about a jump rope?

* can you do some of the older children's lessons at the park or in your backyard when the weather is nice and just let your son run around while still nearby? or play on the swings or something?

* just because he is gone "all day" does not mean you will have more patience for him when the school bus returns. You'll be working with his homework at that time too and a lot of the issues will still be there. And you'll be ready to be done with school for the day. His being gone all day may also interfere with the outside activities of the other children who may be in h-s activities. Sorry, sweeties, we can't do to the ice skating rink b/c no one will be home at 3:00 when your brother gets home. Just something else to consider in the big picture dynamics for the whole family.


--crystal

4Truth
Posts: 334
Joined: Fri Dec 17, 2004 11:59 am

Unread post by 4Truth » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:44 pm

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 11:37 am

Like Crystal, I only have girls, but I do have one with some (minor) special needs who's in an outside class right now (a therapy kind of thing). This is my 4yo, and my 8yo can be quite hyper and "testy" if she doesn't get much outdoor time, as well. Thus, I just wanted to let you know that I sympathize with you and understand the rambling thoughts about whether a school situation might be better for everyone involved.

But then I come back to some of the things that the others mentioned. Having a child in school and on an entirely different schedule than the rest of us can bring problems of its own, so you'd really just be replacing one, um, "situation" with another.

God knew best when He gave me the children that He did. Dh and I have said many times that parenting is really spiritual training in disguise. LOL.

Another thing is that right now is a hard time of year, I think. The weather for the most part is unfriendly toward those of us who *need* more outdoor time and physical activity (like your guy and my 4yo), and lots of us are getting awfully burned out on being cooped up inside and trudging through indoor routines day after day. The exercise ball is a great idea! I think I'll look into buying one of those myself.

I also second the idea of finding a homeschool P.E. group. Our local YMCA has classes for homeschoolers which include both "gym" type activities and swimming.

Also, are you getting any 1-on-1 time with your son? Do you ever just sit down with him and play a game, just the two of you, or take him to McD's for an ice cream cone and climbing through the tunnels? Perhaps giving him some undivided attention each morning, you know, to fill that "love bank," would be helpful. Sit down and cuddle with him and a good book first thing in the morning before anything else gets started.

Also, PRAY with him! There have been a couple of times where we had a horribly hectic week and my youngest was completely UNBEARABLE because we'd been on the go so much and she was just kind of getting dragged along. So a couple of times on a Sunday, I stayed home alone with her while hubby took the other girls to church, and I just sat with her and read to her and prayed with her. The difference in the following days was INCREDIBLE. It's amazing how God can work in the little moments like that.

Also, how involved is your dh with your son? Maybe he needs more 1-on-1 daddy time.

And maybe you already do these things, so ignore me if that's the case. I'm just tossing out ideas that have helped here at our house.

Pray for solutions, and for JOY, in how to best handle your active little guy. Deep down I bet he's a real sweetheart. (((HUGS)))

lofgrenhomeschool
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jan 20, 2007 11:56 am

Unread post by lofgrenhomeschool » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:45 pm

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 12:12 pm

I just wanted to let you know that I have expierienced the school end of the patience issue. I am not yet homeschooling. We are planning on pulling our daughter out here at spring break if possible or definitely at end of year and then using MFW for her.

She goes to school and then comes home and has homework. She is very impatient, very antsy, very easily distracted, hates to sit still, etc. When she is home doing homework, it is very frustrating for me trying to help her get it all done before it is due, get dinner on the table, and get the kids to bed. I have a really hard time being patient with her during this time becuase of the deadline factor, it needs to be done tonight before school tomorrow. She also gets frustrated with sitting still for the evening rather than playing with her brothers.

On days when she is home from school, like today with a snow day or on her half-days, I try to do some informal homeschool with her such as working on her handwriting, which she needs a lot of practice with. The day usually goes better than school days becuase she only sits down for a short time and then can get up and run and play with her brothers and we do not have the pressure to get it done now. This really helps me with the patience issue and makes her happy.

I do not know if that helps you any, but I just wanted to say that there are gonig to be a lot of issues at school too, which is why we are working to pull her out. At school they learn all about having a bad attitude and I would guess that his defiance would be worse if you went this route. My daughter is definitely more defiant when she in school versus over the summer or extended breaks. Just hang in there and let him have a lot of breaks and spread the work out. He is still young and does not need to be expected to sit still for long periods of time yet.

Christa

holynickel
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Joined: Tue Feb 13, 2007 9:40 pm

Unread post by holynickel » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:46 pm

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 4:05 pm

I was coming to mention the heads up now site....and had to register before I could. We got my 6 yr old ds the weighted turtle and that seems to help most days. My ds is very wiggly also and I have to tell you it drives me nuts. The other thing that we did for the wiggles is buy him a chair on rollers that swivels. He can move himself little bits here and there while he works. I have to tell you though...he just fell off of the thing while I was writing this message because he got too wiggly on it. Kids...LOL...

I wanted to mention too...that we had ds in a private Christian School for kindergarten last year. We absolutely loved it and were all set to let him stay there for this year too. But when he came home for the summer....he didn't know where he fit in our family. He didn't know how to relate to us during the day. If I went to the store, I didn't have to worry about my 1 year old or 3 year old's behavior....it was my six year old that would be throwing fits and being a nuisance....I really think this is because he was not with me while I ran errands for those 9 months. I would even say he was more defiant and disrespectful after school and during the first part of that summer. He and I had to re-establish our mother-son relationship as far as authority goes because I was not in charge of him for that much of the time. Now this is how my son reacted...and why I feel that we had so much rebellion from him for those months. Your son may react differently. But I just wanted to tell you our experience.

We do participate in a co op for PE, but we just recently started that so I can't help much with that. My ds does seem to like it...and I like that he is meeting other children that are homeschooled.

Also recently, I have been drilling in my ds's head about self control. Stating to him that he needs to control himself. Jesus doesn't want us to talk or act like that and He wants us to control our behavior, attitude, mouth, or whatever it is. I have been telling him things like You are in control of your attitude toward picking up the toys...we can do it with a bad attitude or a good attitude, and it will make it much easier and go quicker if we have a good attitude. I think it has been helping for now....just pointing out to him that he has a choice...that he can determine how he reacts to things....I don't know if that would help you. It has been helping us for now....next week may be a different story.

I will be praying for you.
Hollie

Ariasarias
Posts: 94
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2005 11:26 am

Unread post by Ariasarias » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:47 pm

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 5:34 pm

K.Lynn,
I'll be praying for you. I don't have boys, but I do have days that the school down the street looks very appealing.

As far as coop, we attend our weekly playgroup that meets at the park on Fridays for a couple of hours. That's such a wonderful play time, much more than our kids would get in school. We also have field trips together and parties. Today we had a Valentine's Day party together.

As far as the defiance and disrespect issues, we've definitely had our share. I have heard many a veteran homeschooling mom remind me that one of the blessings and curses of having our children home all day is that we are face to face with their sinful hearts all day, and some seasons are harder than others. One mom (a homeschooling mom of 7) shared with me that one of her main priorities was teaching obedience and that sometimes that meant that school went out the window for that day. My perfectionism has a hard time with that, but I have seen when I put training my children's hearts towards obedience above their academics, things do go better.

Many times I am frustrated with their disobedience because it is taking away from school and I want to get school done. I wanted to get school done so that my kids could be "good Charlotte Mason kids" and have time to play. But I have recently seen how much more important it is that they learn to obey and be respectful above school and above their play. We've had many days were nothing more got done but my dd being sent back and forth to her room for her disrespectful mouth or outright defiance toward me. She clearly did not get to play those days and I'm not sure what of school was completed. This was only the past few weeks. Lately it seems like she knows that mom really means it when I expect respect and obedience. It is hard work, yet it is also the blessing of having them home. When I feel like sending her down the street, I often think about what heart issues would be covered up because she was at school "swimming with the other fish," just doing what the group was doing, being compliant in effort to please, but now that I see more of her heart, I am not sure she would be getting the opportunity to deal with issues of her heart. I write this not to preach, but rather to encourage you in your journey as mom and trainer of those little hearts in your home. It is hard.

Cry out to God and He is faithful to give you what you need for those little ones.
Nicole :)

qfbrenda
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Unread post by qfbrenda » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:48 pm

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:34 pm

I have to admit that the responses have tickled my funny bone... so many people said, "I don't have any boys, but...." LOL Maybe I have a weird sense of humor..

But seriously, you have gotten great advice! As a mom of 5 boys, I wanted to add/emphasize...


**Keep him busy! He needs lots of things to do, build, dig, take apart. I would consider getting him some real tools. We get our boys their own tool box with real tools at their 6th birthday. I would teach him how to use a hammer and screwdriver and get him scrap wood to work with. Save him broken small appliances to take apart. Etc... give him lots to do.

**Keep him tired! Make sure he has lots of running/exercise time. Others had good suggestions concerning this. If you have snow, I would get him a small shovel and let him go at it. Seriously, boys need LOTS of physical work and exercise... give him plenty! You'll both be happier.

**Keep consistent with discipline, whatever "discipline" means to you. Don't let him get away with disobedience and disrespect (you probably aren't letting him get away with it... just wanted to cover all the bases). Keeping him busy and physically busy should help with that.


A book I'm reading and enjoying is "Future Men" by Doug Wilson. You may or may not agree with Wilson on everything, but it's a great book and worth a read.

Lucy
Posts: 442
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Unread post by Lucy » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:48 pm

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 8:25 pm

Well if nothing else this post has shown many of us that we are not alone in this struggle to love, train, and teach boys as well as other children.

I have one boy and I am experiencing many of these same issues still. You would think by now I would have it figured out and that he would be under control. Some days are better than others but the one thing I have learned is I can not let my anger get the best of me. There are times I have to just step away and pray and get under the control of the Spirit(since apparently somewhere between getting out of bed and starting school it seems to have all drained out). I need to be filled up again several times a day. I am very leaky:)

I will say that I think the best place for our son has been the home environment. Saying that does not mean it is the best for every child and family. Last year I felt like putting both of my kids in school but especially my son because of all the interruptions and bickering between he and his sister. I finally realized that sending them to school would not solve these problems for us. The problem was not where they were schooled. I have had many small moments like these throughout the years and God has always made it clear what his heart and direction was for us. So in the end trust him to lead you and show you what would be best for your son and your family.

Grace and prayers to you,
Lucy

mout
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Unread post by mout » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:49 pm

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 11:02 pm

Thank you so much for all the replies - I will look up the website.

He does behave very well when in public, at church, etc. That is probably why I think he would mind better in school, but that doesn't make it necessarily the right thing to do.

The winter weather definitely has made it worse, and when spring comes we are going out a lot, and summer we may just live outside!

I liked the exercise ball suggestion, the hammer, the taking things apart - he would go for that.

Thank you for the encouragement, I will hang in there!

Toni@homezcool4us
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Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2005 4:28 pm

Unread post by Toni@homezcool4us » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:50 pm

Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 1:52 pm

Having my own challenging child, age 7, let me share a story with you;
It's A Wonderful Homeschool!
http://www.thsc.org/news_and_resources/Wonderful.asp

And please don't be tempted to conclude that you would have more patience for him when he comes home from ps. In fact, he will come home with more garbage than he left with in the morning, and you may well be disappointed with getting "what's left" in terms of his focus, energy, and time (since homework will consume much of that, especially as the years pile on).

StarrMama
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Joined: Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:40 pm

Unread post by StarrMama » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:51 pm

Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:35 am

My thanks to all these replies! What an encouragment to read. I do believe that discipling our children is more important than educating them. I get frustrated too (we're all human right?) but it's helped me to pray (of course) out loud and to even talk to my daughter about things. Sometimes we have to stop working because she's obviously in a bad mood. I tell her that I can see by the look on her face that she has a bad attitude and she can just sit there till she changes her heart. Sometimes she needs to go to another room to settle down. She comes back when her attitude is better (I encourage her to talk to God) and we talk about the problem. My son is only 4.5, but I know we'll have a lot of these "boy" issues. I really enjoyed reading all these posts. Thanks, Ladies
~Rose

Toni@homezcool4us
Posts: 122
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2005 4:28 pm

Unread post by Toni@homezcool4us » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:51 pm

Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:43 am

Rose,
With your children's attitudes, keep in mind that because they are at home, the masks come off. They feel free to be themselves, attitudes and all. It's easy to think, "they wouldn't behave this way for a teacher in the ps." No, they likely would not. But at home, they feel free to be who they really are, flaws exposed in the safety net of loved ones (and we feel that freedom too; there are bound to be some attitude clashes). Just keep extending as much grace as you possibly can to your dd. Also, keep teaching her to use honor in her tone and actions when she needs to make a point to you.

RJ's Momma
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Contact:

All she wants to do is play, play, play

Unread post by RJ's Momma » Sun Aug 31, 2008 1:42 am

kalphs wrote:Our daughter is 7 years old and completing first grade. Academically she has done fine. What concerns my husband and I is that all she wants to do is play, play, play. So I guess the question is do we promote her to second grade or repeat first grade?
Kathy
Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 3:16 pm
My daughter is 9 (just turned 9) and is this way as well. She does understand what is being taught though, just isn't interested in anything but being outside. Like others have said...Really no reason to hold her back if she is understanding and doing well with her lessons. If she starts to struggle with that, then you might have reason to hold her back.

With my daughter we have to alternate between my reading, bookwork, hands-on projects, her reading. Lots of breaks to go outside or just run inside. We do a bit more oral work than paper work. In fact, math flashcards are her favorite part of school!!! We have a house where one room connects to the next and forms a 'circle' so that dd can ride her scooter in the house around in circles. She starts in the frontroom and answers a card, then rides around until she gets back and answers another. She loves this!!!

My dh was/is the same way. Just active people who don't like to be indoors.

TriciaMR
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Unread post by TriciaMR » Sun Aug 31, 2008 1:42 am

Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 4:17 pm

We did phonics flashcards on the swings (answer 5 in a row correctly, and you can jump off your swing), so I hear you. We've also done the jogger trampoline in the basement.

My dd (now almost 8) can sit still to do assignments, but tends to move from place to place... at her desk, on the floor, on the kitchen counter, over on the couch, etc... Let's see... how many times did she fall out of her seat when I was going over her seatwork today?!?

Some things we have done... set a timer: work for 10, play for 10, work for 10, play for 10. Gradually increase the "work for" time. (We can now do school almost all morning, with a 1/2 break in the middle of it.)

We've done "beat the timer" - see if you can get this page done in 10/15 minutes. That helps us.

Sometimes if they know there is an end, they can focus better.
-Trish

annaz
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Unread post by annaz » Sun Aug 31, 2008 1:46 am

Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 10:41 am

I found my dd works best doing more physical-type work. She's not much for workbooks, but would rather do, do, do... projects, jumping, etc. She prefers kids that are very active. No, she's not ADHD, she just has a lot of energy and prefers to use it.

Once she gets a concept, she flies through it fast. She's not much for repetition. When it's mastered, we move on. My DH said he was the same way, "Why are you repeating this stuff?" Many kids need the repetition. So figure she may not be behind and that when she does have the interest or master something, she'll fly ahead. My dd was slow on the alphabet, but when she got it, she learned to read and got the alphabet in 3 months! Whew!

Find something where she can use all her senses, especially ones that keep her active and know that all kids catch up in their own time!
Annaz

Renai
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Unread post by Renai » Sun Aug 31, 2008 1:50 am

Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:58 am

My own daughter was 7 finishing 1st grade. Learning letters was done scratching large letters in the dirt and having her walk them. Spelling was done bouncing on an exercise ball. She stands up doing most of her seatwork. There's a certain friend that comes over, and when he does, they can continue the same imaginary story they started from the week before. I'd rather have the energy and high creativity and imagination any day.

Incidentally, how we began homeschooling her was because of her "immaturity." Academically, she was ready for K, but socially and emotionally, she was not. (That and the fact she had a 'late' birthday.) Frankly, I don't want her to mature to the level of her public school friends. I do teach her there are times for everything (Ecclesiastes)- I time to play, and a time to work.

I like to plan too. As each year has proven to me, we cannot predict the future. Remember, as another poster mentioned, the great thing about homeschooling is we can work with our children at the level they are. Grade levels are arbitrary.

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